The Gun and the Rose

26 | Heartbeat

Joan called me to work the day after Christmas. She assured me it would be a quick meeting and I wouldn't have to stay long. I was nervous, obviously. Before entering her office, I peeked into Aerion's room but saw no sign of him. I fixed my blazer and knocked on the door. I opened it and found Joan working on her computer and didn't look up when I entered. I silently sat in front of the desk, my eyes flicking around at anything but her.

    Finally, she pushed back from the device and took her glasses off. "So, Rosaline. I want to get right down to it."

    I gulped. "Yes, ma'am."

    She clasped her hands together. "You failed your case." I didn't move, too afraid of what she'd say next. "Granted, you have a week left here, but tell me honestly, will you be able to give me what I want?"

    I opened and closed my mouth, again and again, trying to grasp for words. "I...uh..."

    "You can be honest with me."

    I dropped my gaze, letting my head lower. "No. I can't give you what you want."

    "Aerion told me as much," she murmured, biting her lip. "He also told me what happened to you."

My head snapped up. "What?"

    "The baby and what happened to it," she said, her voice soft.

    I squeezed my eyes closed before getting to my feet. "Am I finished here?"

    "Rosaline-"

    "Please, Joan. I'm not ready to talk about it."

    She nodded. "I respect that. I only brought it up because the same thing happened to me." Her hand lifted, gesturing me to sit back down. "I can tell you the story, if you want to listen of course."

    I quietly took a seat, folding my hands in my lap.

    Joan sighed, rubbing a hand over her face. "It was three years ago, when I lost my baby. God, it still hurts saying it out loud." She let out a noise that was a cross between a chuckle and a sigh. "Me and my wife had been trying to get pregnant for over a year. You may not think it was the same experience we've been through because I was artificially inseminated, but it was still a life inside me. A life that I had grown to love."

    "I was a day away from twenty weeks when I lost it. It was the worst heartbreak I have ever been through. I didn't talk about it and I kept all my feelings in because no one talked about it. It's hidden away as if we should be ashamed for having a miscarriage, as if it was our faults," Joan continued, her eyes welling with tears. "But it gets better, Rosaline. As cliche as it is, time does heal all wounds. A couple of months later, we were blessed with another baby and then another. Now, I love my two kids to pieces and I can't imagine a life without them. But three years ago, I was so broken and I truly believed I would never get that happy ending."

    A tear trailed down my face and when I moved to wipe it away, Joan grasped my hands, holding them. "It's possible, Rose. I don't know if you're hurting in the same way I was, but I swear to you, it gets better."

    "Thank you for telling me that," I whispered through tears.

    "I'm sorry about the job. You did good," she said.

    "Thank you."

    "I can write you a reference letter if you want."

    I smiled at her generosity. "That would be much appreciated. Thank you so much, Joan." And with that, I wiped my tears away and headed out of the office, officially closing that chapter of my life. I didn't waste much time before heading home and settling down in front of my computer. I must have spent hours searching through dozens of job websites because the next time I looked at the clock, it was hours past noon and a knock at the door interrupted me.