Chopped and Screwed Part 2

Chapter 32: New Beginnings

Song in multimedia: Pastor Troy- Pop That (doesn't match the chapter at all, but I added it anyway lol)

While I was in Austin, I did so much thinking. I didn't plan on staying for as long as I did, but I needed to get myself together. I was so angry and just needed a break. I wasn't trying to be spiteful or make Trae mad by leaving. Now that I'm more calm, I realize I could've handled it differently. My mama got on my head once I got back to Houston. Of course my grandma added her two cents too. She even brought Trae's mama over to preach to me, on some woman to woman stuff. I was expecting his mama to wanna fight me, but she was cool about it. Both of them told me how I was wrong and to never do that again because Trae was being a cry baby. I was shocked to hear some of the stuff he told them because he left me so many messages calling me all types of bitches, I deserved that though.

Since Trae doesn't want me back in his house, (not that I was going back) I'm living with my mom. Sydney brought me most of my clothes, but I still have a lot of other stuff over there. It'll stay there until I decide if I'm moving into my moms house or not. When and if things get better, I might move back in with Trae. Right now, I'm still in my feelings so I'll keep my distance from him. To make matters worse, random ass females have been hitting me up through Instagram about Trae. I feel like it's Crystal having her friends try to make me mad so I ignore it. I'm constantly praying things will get better and that I can learn to control my emotions. At the moment, I'm spiraling out of control.

I laid on the living room couch and looked at pictures of Trae and I in my phone. I've been looking at the same pictures for hours now and can't stop crying my eyes out. We looked so happy, especially on the videos. I can't even look at pictures or videos of Derrick because I'd really be crying since he's not with me right now. And the fact that I missed his first steps saddens me. I played it off with Trae, acting like I didn't care; but I cried so hard watching that video.

My heart is so hurt, I'm losing my mind man. The man that I plan on spending the rest of my life with is doing stuff behind my back and I can't handle that. I don't ask for much, just for him to be loyal, honest, and open with me. I tell him everything, I'm an open book with him. He couldn't even do the same.

"Jakiyah, it's three in the morning and even with my door shut I can still hear you crying. You sure you don't want to sleep in bed with me? I don't mind." She rubbed her tired eyes.

I quickly tried to hide my tears before responding. "No, I'm okay." My nose was stuffy.

"Are you positive? It's okay to cry, I know you and Trae are going through a hard time."

"I'll be okay ma." I whimpered.

"Okay, baby. I'm going back to sleep because I have work tomorrow." She slowly walked away.

I turned on my flashlight and pulled out the letters Trae wrote me while I was pregnant. I was so happy Sydney got them for me. These letters mean so much to me. Teardrops fell on the paper as I read it in his voice. On the letter, he wrote for me to read this if we ever got into it and to remember that he'll always love me no matter what. That really got to me and I started crying louder. I had to turn the tv on to drown out the noise so my mother wouldn't come back into the living room. Although it's super late, I FaceTimed Trae so I could see Derrick.

What's up? You good? Trae looked into the camera half asleep.

Can I see Derrick? I sniffed and cleared my throat.

He stared for a little while, I guess because he could tell I'd been crying. Trae covered his face and sighed before showing a look of gloom.

He sleep. You want me to call you when he wakes up?