Behind White Walls

seventeen

"say it again."

"I love you."

"again."

"I love you."

I smiled, looking up at him. our hands were intertwined together and warmth spread from his skin to mine. "I love you too."

he leaned closer to me, kissing me gently on my forehead. "I know."

a terrible scream woke me up from my dream, and I jumped up from my bed, gasping for air. feeling disoriented from the dream, it took me a moment to register where the cries were coming from.

Finn.

I ran towards the glass wall, turning on the lights in my room so that I could see him. he was still asleep, on the ground, but tears were streaming down his face and he kept screaming as if he was caught in a horrible nightmare. his head moved back and forth in agony, and drops of sweat glistened on his dark skin. 

my heart felt as if it had been broken open, and I began to cry too. "Finn," I cried urgently. "Finn, wake up."

his response was just more tears, more sobbing; his screams echoed in our rooms and I didn't know what to do.

"someone help," I screamed, looking towards my door, even though I knew no one would come. they didn't care about Finn here. they didn't care about me.

I looked back at Finn and pounded my fists against the glass wall, wishing there was some way I could shatter this space and help him. but all I could do was watch Finn break apart right in front of my eyes, and do nothing about it.

I slid down to the ground and placed my hands on the glass, because it was the only way I could reach him. "Finn," I whispered through my tears, even though I knew he couldn't hear me. "Finn, I'm here. I'm here. it's going to be okay, I swear to you, I will fix this, I will fix you."

Finn cried, violently, his eyes still closed, his mind still trapped in whatever dream he was in. I wanted so bad for him to wake up, but I didn't know if he'd be any better when he did.

"Finn, please, listen to me, I'm here," I begged him, my voice faltering at the sight of the agony that creased into his skin. "Finn, you aren't alone, I'm here, I'm here."

he stopped moving and for a moment, I thought he'd woken up, but then I heard soft sounds escape his throat, and I knew he was still weeping.

what had the world done to him? 

"Finn, please," I whispered again, hoping somehow my words would travel to him. "you're going to be okay. you're going to be okay. we -- we're going to be okay."

when he finally stopped crying, I closed my eyes in defeat. leaning my head against the glass, all I could think was that I had never felt so hopeless before.