Going Back

Coffee (Her)

"Mmmm, good morning," I said groggily getting comfortable again. The sheets were a jumbled mess and so was my hair but I didn't care. He wrapped his strong arms around my shoulders and pulled me in close. "We have to wake up. How about some breakfast?"

I yawned a bit, knowing he was right. My eyes darted to the clock on my nightstand. 7:02. I stretched a bit before I sat up, holding the sheet around me.

"I think we need to continue to talk." I announced, looking straight forward. "We kind of got ahead of ourselves last night, but I need to get Brad and Dylan to school. Do you want to just, umm, wait here?"

He laughed. "Of course not. I'm going to help you," he sat up and gave me a quick kiss, flashing me a smile before standing up to pull on some clothes. "I'm your husband, Stevie, and their father. We don't have anything to hide, remember?"

Right. I nodded my head, unsure of why I was being so weird about the whole situation. It's just that it has been years since Brian and I had talked like that... or anything else. He'd come home early, catching the last flight of the day and knocking on the door to my, err, our bedroom, around 3am. He apologized profusely, told me he'd go to marriage counseling, he said everything I'd wanted to hear about saving our marriage and our little family. We'd ended up sleeping together for the first time in the better part of a year and now here I was, more confused than ever. He was here on merely a stop over between his conference and a week of meetings in New York, and now, sitting here holding my own sheet, talking to my husband, I felt more sad and empty than I had in weeks. His words were what I should have wanted to hear, but they felt so hollow. It's as though I would have been relieved if he didn't fight for me. And the sex, well it was awful. I had forgotten what a selfish partner he really was. I new better than to say something irrational right now but I wondered what I was doing. Then again, where was I going? What would it hurt to give it a little time. He'd be gone for the better part of the next month anyway, giving me time to clear my head and take care of a few things. The papers were drawn up already. But he was trying, and after a decade of marriage didn't I at least owe him a chance?

I threw on some clothes and knocked on Brad and Dylan's doors, making sure they were up for school. Lisa traveled often for work, as often as Brian really, leaving me as the unlikely primary care giver for the boys most of the time. I wandered downstairs and put on a kettle of tea for myself, a pot of coffee for Brian and made breakfast for all three of my guys. They ate quickly and all scurried out the door to work and school.

I cleaned the kitchen as quickly as I could and jumped in the shower. My daughter would be here in just a few hours. I let the warm water run over my body as I tried to process what was about to happen. I couldn't help but to feel as though I wanted Lindsey by my side right now. I felt it the other night on the phone with her, and it just didn't feel right to do this all without him. I stepped out and dried off, picking up the phone once more and trying Lindsey's house. No answer. It was unlike him to just fall off the face of the Earth, but I left a message hoping he would actually call me back this time.

Kate was here before I knew it. I heard the doorbell ring and took a deep breath, straightening myself in the mirror one last time. I told myself to keep it together, but I knew I'd likely be a mess the second I laid eyes on her.

And I was right. There she stood, smiling back at me, and I couldn't help but tear up. She was this tiny little thing, big curls in her blonde hair, and you could spot Lindsey's eyes a mile away. I could see both of us in her.

"Hello," I stepped aside so she could enter, closing the door behind me. "I'm sorry," I wiped a tear. I stared at her and she stared at me, both of us probably just getting our bearings.

"You're so beautiful," I finally said, reaching out to tuck her hair back behind her ear and placing my palm on her cheek for a brief second.

"Holy shit," she finally whispered. "You're Stevie Nicks."

This caused us both the giggle a little, breaking the tension, for which I was relieved. I offered poured her a cup of hot tea and we ventured out to the patio where she sat quietly for a few more seconds.

"So, where do we start?" She asked, her big blue eyes staring at me.

Honestly, I wasn't too sure. "This is new for me too," I offered with a smile. "I'll answer anything you'd like to know, and I'd love to hear anything you're comfortable talking to me about."

She told me a little bit about her childhood, her hobbies and her job. We chitchatted about my job and she complemented me on the house. I studied her as she chatted away happily about current events, recognizing her body language as though it was familiar with me. She loosened up as we continued to talk. I couldn't help but notice she steered the conversation away from her current personal life though, but I didn't pry.

She asked me timidly about my family. I had seen her looking at the photos in the living room and I told her a little bit about the boys.

"And your husband," she questioned, peering into her chamomile, "is he my..." She trailed off.

"Your father? No, sweetie, Brian and I met years after you were born. And the boys are my step sons, if we're being technical. Kate, I just want you to know how much I've missed you. From that moment when-"

She stopped me. "Let's not do this, okay? It's alright, it was a long time ago. Let's just not go there."

I nodded in agreement. She was running this show.

"But about your father," I continued. "His name is Lindsey, and I know he'd really love to meet you."

She nodded slowly, still processing.

"Does he know I'm here?"

"He doesn't, no. I didn't want to betray your trust and you indicated to me on the phone that you'd prefer this to be just the two of us. But I'd really like to get him over here, I know he'd be just as thrilled to meet you as I am."

She bit her lip a little. "Maybe sometime. I just- I'm not sure about today. Maybe you and I can continue to-" She was cut short by the ring of her cell phone. "Sorry, I have to take this." She stepped away for some privacy, returning after only a few moments. "I'm so sorry but I have to go. I'm on call at work and I have to get in there as soon as possible."

I stood to walk her out.

"It was so nice to meet you, Stevie. Thank you. Really. I hope- I hope we can do this again?"

"Oh sweetheart, I can't wait to do this again. Would you like to come back and join me next week?"

She agreed and I gave her a long hug goodbye, shocked at how surreal the whole thing felt. She had only been in my home for about fifteen minutes, but I already knew I couldn't ever be without her again.