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Every Fantasy Ever Written

In our village, when men came to the ripe old age of 15 year old, we were effectively recognized as men in a ceremony that is held once a year. I had turned 15 last month, so that meant the festival couldn't come quick enough.

"Alright, mom!"

We got up and I checked myself in the mirror. I had luscious long blonde hair, blue eyes, and strong facial features just starting to lose their babyishness. I was 6'2'', you're typical farmer's son / underwear model / pop star singer. Mom made breakfast and I sat down to eat. Dad, a simple farmer with a mysterious past as a soldier, came in shortly before I was finished eating.

"Hello, son. You're finally awake? I need your help with some chores."

"Alright dad, I'm almost ready."

"That's great son. Also, with you becoming a man today, your mother and I just want you to remember that we love you very much, and anticipate you will live a rich and rewarding life."

"Dad! Don't say stuff like that! You'll make it seem like you might die suddenly."

"Oho, your mother and I won't suddenly die on you!" Dad laughed.

"Well, maybe if the village was attacked by Orcs! But this village hasn't been attacked in fifty years!" Mom added.

"Oho, of course, Orcs would kill us dead. But that will NEVER happen. Isn't foreshadowing fun?"

"..."

"So anyway kiddo, why don't you meet up with you childhood best friend? You know, the really beautiful super attractive tomboy who've you known forever who is secretly desperately in love with you!"

"Mari is in love with who now?" I ask, only half paying attention to my parent's banter.

"Oh, nothing! Go see your friend, chores can wait! I need you to delivery this package to the village chief."

After breakfast, I head out and walk down the path to the village. About half-way there, I hear a scream. It sets something off in my brain, kind of like a dream I couldn't quite remember. I run off the path towards the scream, and what I end up seeing is a girl wearing a cloak. She's surrounded by wolves who look ready to eat her while waving a stick to keep them at bay.

I grab a stick and wave it at the wolves. "Get away, you stupid wolves."

The wolves all run away, although I had to hit one on the ass before it got the hint.

"Oh, wow..." the girl said. "You saved me! You wielded that stick like a knight at my father's castle, oh lowly peasant!"

"I'm glad you're alright. Um... who are you?"

I finally get a look at the girl, and nearly gasp. She is probably the most beautifully beautiful girl ever. Like a supernatural and hard to deny absolute stunning beauty of beautifully beautiful-ness.

"Oh me! I am Prin- I mean... a commoner. I'm a commoner. Commoner Butterfloof!"

"Didn't you just mention a castle or..."

"No! You misheard me! I'm a commoner, see a cloak, princesses don't wear cloaks!"

"Ah... that's true... and you're name is Butterfloof?"

"Of course, Butterfloof Royaltington of the Royal... erm... commoner family!"

"Can I call you Tear for short?"

"T-tear?"

"Well, it's either Tear or Butt and I didn't want to assume."

"Tear is fine! You can call me Tear!"