l o g o l e p s y. - [yoonkook]

five ;

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Namjoon went inside the apartment, he came right on time as he saw Yoongi sprawled on the warm floor carpet. Eyes open as he was staring at the ceiling. He saw the pain color his eyes, Namjoon sighed. These were one of those days Yoongi would be triggered or saddened about his ex, his very first ex, who he loved so much.

Namjoon brought down the galon of ice cream on the counter as he took out two spoons from the kitchen drawers. He took off his coat and got some blankets from Yoongi's bedroom. Turned on the tv and put in a horror movie as he took the ice cream, put it on top of the kotatsu Namjoon bought for Yoongi months ago, and settled Yoongi's limp body to lean against the sofa's soft base and in front of the kotatsu. Mind blank as the papers on his desk.

"Hyung—"

"Namjoonie, why did he have to leave?" He asked, wanting the younger to answer him as tears were threatening to wash out of his eyes. He wanted answers, he wanted to know it for himself. Yet he knew he'll get nothing. It was the everyday response to his never-ending questions.

He loathed it.

"I don't know hyung, but here I brought ice cream, I know you need some."

He placed the galon of ice cream in front of Yoongi, and just as soon, Yoongi dug a spoon in and started eating. He occasionally spilled some, and yet he continued eating, knowing it will end soon. Yoongi always had these kinds of attacks, being triggered by the memories of Jung Hoseok, his ex lover. And accompanied by sadness, his anxiety also greeted him. It was like being slapped with your own imperfections. He would question himself, whether he was attractive or was he that unlovable. He hated himself.

Namjoon knew Yoongi so well. He knew that when Yoongi would mention Hoseok, his ex, Yoongi would need ice cream, a horror movie and a warm kotatsu on his bottom. Yes, it was a weird mixture of things, but Yoongi would always feel good right after. Or he would at least stop crying, and sleep.

Yoongi wasn't much of a good person handling a break-up. And considering Hoseok as his first boyfriend, and his inspiration for writing all the books that inspired many gay relationships, plus the reason why he left his family for good and wasn't planning on coming back, he didn't handle the break-up all-to-nice. And Namjoon knows that.

"He said he loves me so much," he said in between sobs and eating ice cream. Yoongi looked so messed up, with tears streaming down his cheeks, ice cream all over his face and he was just a sobbing mess.

"Hyung, calm down."

"Namjoon, he said he loves me! Where is he now? He left me for good, and he didn't come back! Why would he do that?"

"Hyung—"

"Am I ugly? am I not what he wants? Is it because i don't want to have sex with him and I wanted to take our relationship slowly yet sure? Am I not enough for him?"

Yoongi breathed out, "Was I not enough?"

"Hyung, I'm sorry."

And whatever Yoongi does, he just couldn't forget Hoseok. The words scribbled on the pages he convened, all the books he written, all the inspiring messages he gave out to everybody, it was all because of Hoseok.

And now, Hoseok's gone.

Hoseok's not his anymore.

Hoseok is in the arms of another,

Hoseok is now happier.

And Yoongi is the one left to remember and deal with all the pain the impact has brought to him.

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