ARROGANCE | m.yg

t h i r t e e n - r i n

   I laugh in spite of myself at the five boys of SHINee struggling to get their baby, Yoogeun, ready for his trip to the doctor's office. Though I never did get to finish that episode of Boyfriend's Hello Baby from some time ago, I've found equal joy in watching old reruns of SHINee's. As my right hand toys with a pencil that's coupled with my trusty notebook, my left twists my hair absentmindedly through its fingers. Two days ago, I dyed the ends of my hair teal, and I'm really liking it. As I passively play with the blue-green fringe, my legs sprawl out over the other end of the couch, leaving me stretched out to an almost impossible degree. I am immensely comfortable and have no desire to move. On the table before me sits a glass of lemonade, half of which has already been consumed. This is the perfect way to spend a Saturday.

   Although I'm having a wonderful time doing absolutely nothing this fine morning, I know that I do have some work to do. The pencil that rests in my hand is a constant reminder that I still need to be working on new music, but nothing's coming to me. I've been in a creative slump since last week when I went over to Yoongi's dorm. I doubt there's any correlation between the two things, but it still holds true that I haven't gotten any work done since I was over there. I have no idea how Yoongi manages to compose in that environment. I've got immense respect for him.

   I sigh and sit forward, taking another long sip of the now only moderately cold beverage before me. For the life of me, I cannot think of a single witty lyric, a single clever topic, a single potential rhythm. I need some inspiration.

   As the episode of Hello Baby ends, I rise from the couch and turn off the TV, making my way up to my bedroom where my laptop sits on my bed, the charging cord running haphazardly across the room to reach it. Unlocking the computer, I do the only thing I can think to do. I type "Bangtan Sonyeondan" into the search engine and am almost immediately met with news articles, photo shoots, and — most importantly — music videos. I click on the first one to come up, that being the I Need U MV. I note that in the suggestion bar is another video labeled "Original Ver." and decide that's likely the better option to watch. I want the authentic experience, after all. So, I click to that video instead, and I'm absolutely blown away.

   The first thing I have to take note of is that all seven of the boys look positively fantastic. Somehow I'd missed that Yoongi had pink hair once, and I immediately regret not being around to tease him for it when he had it. It really does suit him, though. It seems Min Yoongi really can pull off anything.

   The more I watch, the more enthralled I become. The opening of the song begins with Yoongi's verse, and I smile upon hearing it. That drawn-out style he made his own back in his underground days has yet to leave him. I just keep watching. Every single shot of the video is a masterpiece, and the song is beyond powerful. I can practically see many an ARMY shedding tears upon watching it for the first time. It nearly brings me to tears with just how happy the sad song makes me. I can't stop from there, so I look up the album that I Need U is a title track to and listen to the whole thing, start to finish. The album intro has me mesmerized the moment I hear it. Every word Yoongi utters is practically holy. It's amazing to see how much he's grown as an artist.

   Thinking of how much Yoongi's grown brings me down a bit, though. I haven't changed much since me and Yoongi went our separate ways. My music has gotten a bit better in quality, and my live shows have certainly improved, but it's nothing compared to the huge jump in skill level I see between Gloss and Suga. For the most part, Silver's still the same. I can't help but wonder if I could ever be that good; if I could grow as much as Yoongi did. Maybe I could—

   No, who am I kidding? Yoongi got so much better as an artist because he trained, and that's something I'd never do. We took different routes, and one of us is doing better than the other. I'm too old to start training now, even if I did want to do it. Since four years ago when I was so against it, so closed-minded to the idea, I've changed, and so has Yoongi. We aren't the same as we once were, at least not as people.