Oh, Dakota

23- Wrecking Ball

This is a day early like I said it would be because I'm getting my wisdom teeth out tomorrow (and I'm 135% terrified) so I don't wanna have to worry about updating this when I'm writhing in pain tomorrow so I hope you have a nice week, lovelies! <3

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“She must have the flu,” I heard the next morning as I woke up with a nasty taste in my mouth. “The bathroom smells like barf.”

“Are you sure she’s not just hung over?” There were two voices talking right outside my door so they weren’t actually in my room and couldn’t tell that I had woken up. I noticed, though, that somebody had been in here, because I wasn’t on the floor anymore, I was laying in my bed.

“She didn’t drink that much, I’m pretty sure,” Owen informed the second voice, who I thought was Braeden, but I was only half asleep and half alive, so I wasn’t too sure.

“You weren’t with her at all, though,” He- I was pretty sure that it was Braeden- reminded my brother.

“And you were?”

“For a little bit, and she had some beer.”

“She’s not that much of a light weight,” Owen defended. “She’s definitely sick or something. I don’t know, I guess Dad will have to deal with it.”

I didn’t speak because I felt like my energy was completely drained out of my body. I know this sounds dramatic, but I felt like just the empty shell of a person. No emotion or purpose or anything… just a useless shell with no voice.

“Dakota, are you awake?” Owen called through the door.

I didn’t respond and I heard him walk away so I assumed that he took my silence as a ‘no’. I laid there for a while, trying to convince my body to go back to sleep, because I didn’t want to be awake and when I couldn’t go back to sleep, I tried to convince my body to just crumble in on itself, but it didn’t do that either.

I’d never had a broken heart before. I mean, I’ve had boyfriends, but they never broke my heart. I never fell for any of my previous boyfriends, and there were only a couple of them. I’d always felt abandoned though, it was just a part of me. My mom and then Derek and then Owen for a brief amount of time.

But that was the day that I learned that having a broken heart is completely different than abandonment. This hurt a lot worse than when Derek left to be with Crystal or when Owen didn’t notice when I stopped eating. This was just so much worse because I knew that I’d never get him back. Derek comes to visit sometimes, Owen is obviously not ignorant anymore and they come back to me. But this can’t be fixed and Todd isn’t coming back. Marnie isn’t coming back. They might try, they might not, but they just aren’t going to ever be mine again.

I wiped a few tears from my face and forced myself not to cry because I knew that if I really did start to cry, I’d never be able to stop. Again, I tried to go back to sleep but again, it didn’t work, so I just continued to lay there like the shell that I was without allowing myself to think of T-O-D-D or M-A-R-N-I-E because I just couldn’t process the information at all. I couldn’t think about it or my shell would break and shatter.

“She’s sick?” I heard another voice pipe from down the hall. It was Levi’s voice, I thought, and I could hear everybody walking around on the floor outside of my door but nobody actually opened the door.

“That’s too bad,” Nikki sighed. “I’ll bring Marnie over and we’ll have a jammie day.”

I cringed at the mention of her name, even though Nikki wasn’t even talking to me, just hearing her name made me want to cry and we already went over why that can’t happen. I’d been best friends with her since forever and a half. I literally did not know life without her there by my side and now I had to learn. I had to learn how to live without my best friend there with me and I had no idea how to do that.