Marked

Chapter Nineteen

"But I still did. Lose myself, I mean. And I let you think that you weren't important along the way." She spun to face him and tentatively ran her fingertips across the length of his cheek and down his jawline. He closed his eyes and sighed, his breath tickling her hand as she brushed his lips.

"But you have to know how much I care about you. You have to know."

"I won't lie and say I didn't doubt it." He replied with his eyes still closed.

"I know," She whispered, ashamed. "And I feel horrible about that. But I didn't know how to face you every day and have you look at me with so much faith and not feel like I was betraying you somehow."

"You should have told me the truth."

"I'm sorry. I know being sorry doesn't fix anything but I am."

He sighed and kissed her forehead, keeping his lips pressed to her skin as he pulled her into a tight hug.

"I forgive you, Rachel, you know I do. But I need you to understand that I'm not looking for perfection." He sighed and the movement made her hair flutter. "You can't expect to live in a world like this and not have your morals--your values--challenged. No one good kills because they want to. But sometimes there is no other choice."

"I know that now." She replied, one cheek pressed against his chest. Being close to him was reassuring—something she was sure she'd never get to experience again after the way she'd treated him. "I didn't before, but I do now."

"I'm glad. And I hope you'll come to me next time. Because who are we kidding, there will most likely be a next time." He ran his fingers through her hair, getting tangled in a few places, but it was still the most comforting thing she'd felt in a while.

"I get nightmares—of all the people I've ever had to kill." He confessed. "I've never told anyone, but I do. But when it's over, when I wake up, I remind myself that it's good that I'm alive. That if I had to do it over again, I would still choose my life over theirs. Because all they would have done was hurt people and I think about the deaths that were prevented because of it. Because of me."

"You're right. About everything, like always."

His chin rested against the top of her head now. They'd been standing this way for so long that her feet were beginning to go numb but it didn't matter. In that moment, only making up for lost time with him mattered and nothing else.

"There's no reason either of us should have to deal with it alone. And just to be clear on something, Rachel, I don't want anyone else. Even when you're being difficult. Even when you're trying to push me away, I still want you."

"After everything, I put you through...I thought," She sighed. "Well, it doesn't matter now. But I lied, Hector. Before. When I said I wanted you to know how much I care about you. That isn't true."

"It isn't? He asked, a slight edge to his voice.

"No," She shook her head and pulled away from him. reached up to cup his face between her hands the way he always did to her. His skin was warm and the heartbeat in his throat jumped against her wrists. It amazed her how, even though he was much taller, he always found a way to draw closer to her, to curve his shoulder at just the right angle so that she could kiss him.

And it was a gentle kiss. A slight brush of the lips, hardly a kiss at all. But the emotions that rushed through her at that moment were like nothing she'd ever felt before.

She didn't allow him to pull away, not wanting him to see the way her cheeks were flaming from the words that were dying to fly out of her mouth.

"It wasn't. Because I don't just care about you, Hector. I love you."