Finding Beauty

[01] - Chapter One

Come on McKenzie, you can do this. Just talk to him already. Taking a deep breath, I ran my fingers through my dark brown hair and slowly walked in his direction. I felt nervous, was my hair messy? Did I have something on my face? I tried to calm myself down, but then that same question I have been dreading popped into my head. What makes you think that he’ll like a girl like you? I took a saddening breath and stopped walking. My crush Kale was a quarterback, a straight A student, and a guitar player. He was pretty handsome with his bright sun-kissed skin, electric blue eyes, and tousled chocolate colored hair.

I’ve always wanted to talk to him, but I couldn’t. I was too scared and afraid of what he’ll think of me. So I bit my lip and ignored the terrible sensation of butterflies flying in my stomach. Turning away from his direction, I was just about to head to my locker when my best friend Stefanie appeared out of nowhere.

As she was walking over to me, her beautiful blonde sashayed along with her and her bright blue eyes seemed fixated to get my attention. I sighed, I wish I could at least half as decent as I her. I didn’t even like my wardrobe. I was wearing denim jeans and a solid blue tee with a black a grey cardigan while Stefanie wore a flare skirt, tights, a cute top, a cute jacket, and an awesome scarf that was cheetah print.

As soon as she made her ways towards me, she linked arms with me. “So did you talk to Kale yet?” Stefanie asked me as we both walked to what I assumed our lockers.

“No” I sighed.

“McKenzie, you need to stop worrying. You’re beautiful and any guy would be lucky to go out with you.”

I shrugged; I wasn’t so sure about that. All my life I’ve been teased for my appearance and had nothing but a few friends. Soon enough, these friends betrayed me and joined the bullies. Thank God, I met Stefanie in ninth grade because she was the only person I had left.

My personal life wasn’t any better either. My Dad made his job his number one priority along with my mother so I barely see them and when I do, it’s always “Not right now” and “Sorry cupcake, but I’m barely with more important things”.

When we finally approached our lockers, I pulled out my materials needed for Physics class. “So are you still on for the movies tonight?” I asked her. Stefanie hesitated at first but then she quickly tossed me a smile and nodded.

“Yep, we’re still on. We’re going to be watching Frozen and it starts at eight-thirty so be ready.” My friend informed me with a smile on her face. Stef was so such a sucker for Disney movies. Whenever one was made, she’d always drag me to watch it with her. I didn’t mind since I enjoyed them as she much as she does.

“Well I can’t wait!” I beamed. “I heard this was the best since Lion King!”

“I heard that too” She replied with a grin. “It must have been fantastic to be that classic, we’ll just have wait and see.” I nodded and before we could continue the bell rung signaling that first period will start in seven minutes. After tossing her a quick hug, I locked up my locker and we parted ways.

*

“Oh my gosh!” Stefanie cried in shock for the third time as she threw her empty popcorn bucket away. “Frozen was amazing, I didn’t expect it be that good.”

I giggled. “I know! We’ll have to see it again sometime!” When I said this, Stef sighed sadly and tossed her a suspicious look. Was everything okay? “What’s wrong Stef?”

“Nothing, it’s just that—I enjoy these moments.” Stefanie said to me as her eyes became water. “You’re a very good friend.”

I blushed. “You are too.” We smiled at each other and she tossed me a hug. It was longer this time which made me knew instantly that something was off, but if she wasn’t going to tell me everything then I probably shouldn’t worry about it right?

After our long hug, we bought candy and then we walked towards the parking lot. As we did, we both remained silent. I couldn’t help thinking about what she was hiding, but I reminded myself that I shouldn’t worry. When we finally reach her bug car, we buckled in and drove away from the theaters.

When she dropped me off, I waved goodbye to her as she honked in reply and drove off. Turning towards my house, I unlocked the door with my keys and settle in. “I’m home” I called as I put my sneakers on the shoe rack and heading towards my bedroom. When no one replied, I assumed that they were working late like usual. Deciding to ditch dinner and just chew on my Nerds candy, I closed the bedroom door behind me and chewed on my candy. As I did, I turned on the Lifetime movie channel which had a lot of great movies on there and since it was December, a Christmas movie was on.

I squealed excitedly as one of my favorites “Dear Santa” played. As I watched the movie, I got so into it that I stopped eating and watched TV intensely as if it calling my name. I smiled, I was so glad it was Friday. I was tired of school and tired of everything reminding how ugly I was. I already knew I was anybody.

Halfway through the movie, my phone beeped indicating that I had a new text message. Getting up from my bed, I walked over to my dresser and picked up my phone. Noticing it was from Stefanie; I clicked on it and gazed down to read:

Hey McKenzie, I don’t know how 2 say this so I guess I’ll just blurt it out. I’m moving away from San Diego to Carson City. I knew about this for two weeks now, but I was worried about telling u, I’d know you’d freak. Now I’m leaving by Monday but I just want u to know that you’re my bffl (best friends for life) and nothing can take that away. Also, u r beautiful and I’m not just saying that because we are friends, but I’m saying that because it’s true. Talk to Kale, he’s a nice guy and stand up and stay true to yourself. You can do it. Love, Stefanie <3.

Tears fell down my eyes as I read the message over and over again. Stefanie was leaving? She was moving away? I couldn’t believe it, how was I supposed to survive? I wasn’t independent, I need someone to always pick me up and now that person is gone! Out of anger, I threw my phone across the room as room went blurry due to my sobs. I had no other friends beside her, I was barely making it as it is.

Now, I was on my own and I didn’t like that. Stupid, Mute, Girl with the dull hair, and ugly duckling these names that started to haunt me. And as my sobs grew harder, I fell on my bed, took my pillow, and screamed. I didn’t want to be that bullied girl who was alone but this was the real world and I couldn’t wake up this time.