The Gun and the Rose

21 | Broken

Ryan drove me home in the late afternoon. On my way out from the hospital, I saw Aerion who told me the hospital called to let him know what had happened. He gave me his condolences and I thanked him numbly, not quite paying attention to his words.

Me and Ryan sat in silence as we sat in traffic and I stared out the window. I rested my head against the glass, feeling guilty about the way I yelled at Ales. Like he said he would, he left and called Blake about what happened. She was at work and couldn't leave, so she told Ryan to come get me. When I saw him in the waiting room, I told him that I didn't want to talk about it and where I wanted him to drop me off. And he respected my words and kept quiet. He stopped outside the location and when I was about to get out of the car, when he grabbed my arm.

    "Rose, this may not be a good time, but you should come over on Christmas night. Bring Ales and we'll all have dinner together," he suggested.

    "What's the date today?" I asked.

    "It's the 23rd."

    I shrugged. "Okay, I'll see." Before I could move another inch, Ryan opened his mouth.

    "Talk to us, Rose. Don't shut us out," he said, his eyes pleading. I swallowed, nodding before pulling out of his grasp. I watched him drive away, the sun beginning to set. It was snowing lightly as I took my phone out of my pocket. I dialed my boyfriend before bringing the phone to my ear.

    "Rosa?" Ales answered, sounding surprised. "Where are you?"

    "Are you busy?" I asked.

    "No. Why?"

    "Can you come to your rock? Your thinking rock," I said.

    "I'll be there." I hung up, entering the looming forest. I walked through the familiar trail, leaving the path and weaving through the trees until I arrived at Ales' favourite spot. I wiped the layer of snow off the rock with my sleeve before sitting. I brought my knees to my chest, wrapping my arms around them, resting my head on them. I didn't let my thoughts get too far because I knew once they reached that dark point, there was no coming back. Instead, I hummed a song I heard on the radio a few days before and drew pictures in the snow until I heard footsteps. I looked up to see Ales walking out from the shadows into the opening.

    I smiled apologetically, but he kept his face straight. He sat beside me, his legs hanging off the edge. "I'm sorry, Ales. For treating you like that at the hospital." When he didn't respond I continued. "You were just trying to help me and I yelled at you- I'm so sorry." There was a moment of silence before his hand touched mine.

    "And I'm sorry. For your loss." I stilled and licked my dry lips.

I forced a laugh, but it came out scratchy. "It's okay." I glanced at him. "I should've followed the three-month rule."

"What's that?"

"Apparently, you shouldn't tell people about your pregnancy until your three months along. Did you know 15% of pregnancies end in miscarriages in the first trimester? I read that in a pamphlet that the doctor gave me. She also recommended a help group," I rambled, giving him a one shoulder shrug.

"Do you want to go to the help group?"

"No," I said quickly. "I don't need help, I'll be fine." My voice was rising defensively.

"Rosa, I was only asking," Ales said.

I sighed. "I know." I turned to him. "Can I have a hug?"

His eyes softened and he opened his arms wide. I crawled into his embrace, loving his big arms shielding me from the world. I touched my cheek to his, the scruff scratching my skin. "I'm here for you, il mio fiore." (Translation: My flower.)

    I shivered, the familiar words rolling off his tongue smoothly. I thought for a second before replying. "Sei così carino," I whispered in his ear. (Translation: You are so cute.)

    He chuckled. "E  super carino," he teased. (Translation: And you're accent is super cute.)

    "Smettila di prendermi in giro. Sto facendo del mio meglio," I grumbled. Ales grinned, kissing the corner of my lips. (Translation: Stop teasing me. I'm trying my best.) He murmured something under his breath but was too quiet for me to pick up. "What was that?"

    "Niento, tesoro." I nodded, kissing him softly. (Translation: Nothing, baby.)

    "Okay, let's switch back to English, my head is hurting," I said, laughing lightly. "How's work going for you?"

    Ales blinked then cleared his throat. "It's okay." He touched the small of my back.

    "Hey, I just remembered, Ryan and Blake invited us to their place for dinner on Christmas. You're invited if you don't have any other plans." Ales chewed on his lip.

    "I'm free on the 25th, but tomorrow, I have dinner with my family tomorrow. My mom likes to celebrate on Christmas Eve," he explained. "Actually, would you like to come with me?"

    "To your mom's house?" I squeaked.

    "Yes, tomorrow."

    I considered it. "Okay, I will. Who's going to be there?"

    "Just a lot of my extended family as well as a few family friends. It's quite the affair actually, more like a ball than anything."

    "A ball? Like a dance?" I furrowed my brows in confusion.

    "Exactly. You don't have to come if you don't want to," he added, his cheeks flushing a little. I pecked his nose.

    "I'll go. I always wanted to go to a ball and be my own Cinderella," I joked. We sorted out the rest of the details when I realized I didn't own a dress nice enough for this occasion. The fanciest dress I owned was my prom dress which definitely was several sizes too big for me and was fashionably outdated. Plus it brought back bad memories.

    "What's got you frowning?" Ales asked. I relaxed my face, shaking my head.

    "I need to buy a dress."

    "Okay, let's go out tomorrow morning," he suggested. "Girl's day out." I smacked his chest playfully, giggling.

    "A hard to pass offer. Deal," I said, shaking his hand. His large hand encapsulated mine as he raised it to his mouth and kissed.

    "Your face gets sour whenever I'm cheesy." I rolled my eyes, climbing out of his lap.

    "Let's go home," I said, holding my hand out.

***

When I finally got home, I stripped my clothes off and climbed into the shower. I scrubbed my body clean before sitting down in the tub. My tears mixed in with the water as I cradled my little baby bump that seemed to be disappearing before my eyes. Everytime I closed my eyes, I saw blood leaking out from under me. I covered my mouth as another sob ripped out of me. I felt broken.

I was broken.

A/N: I don't speak Italian so my translations are definitely incorrect and I am happy to take any criticism from native speakers!