One Direction Preferences

#11 - These Four Walls by Little Mix (Song preference)

Niall:

"I tried to eat today, but the lump in my throat got in the way."

 "Come on, Y/N." You heard those words, but you weren't sure exactly who they came from. There had been too many people here lately. You felt a hand on your shoulder. "He's gone. That doesn't mean you should do this to yourself." They were meant to help you, but they only made you feel worse. Trying to make them happy, you reached for the fork on the table. Just the sight of the food on the plate made you sick. "Eat, Y/N. Now." But you couldn't. You had really tried, but you just couldn't. The lump in your throat had grown too big by now. It had been almost a month since he was gone. He just disappeared. Your Niall. You hadn't got any chance to say just a single goodbye. Not as much as a hug or a handshake. Or a kiss. You couldn't cry either. All your tears were already used. No more left. You weren't sure when you had last eaten. You knew he didn't want you to hurt yourself that way, but all you felt was pain, so it didn't matter. To you it seemed irrelevant. Since he passed away, everything seemed irrelevant.

Harry:

"In this time, I've lost all sense of pride, I've called a hundred times."

 You closed the door, locked it. You couldn't bear the thought of unwanted guests in your apartment. If anyone came, you could as well pretend you weren't at home. You put the bag with your groceries on the kitchen table and sighed. It was almost dark outside, and you hadn't bothered to switch on any light yet. You didn't want to. The light bothered you. Dark fitted much better. You turned your back against the wall and sank down until you were sitting on the floor. You had lost your pride. You could feel it. You didn't defend yourself anymore. You couldn't. Why would you? There was nothing more to defend. You took your phone out of your pocket and found the one number that meant the most to you. You called it up and lifted the phone to your ear. "Hiii, this is Harry. Uhm, well, I'm not here right now, so I can't pick up, but I guess you know what to do..." You took a deep breath. "Hey, it's me. As you may know. I know your phone is in our bedroom, and when I look at it, there's like... a hundred unanswered calls and new messages from me. You know, this is weird right? I just..." As you were staring into the darkness you felt the tears starting to fload down your cheeks. "... sometimes I just call you. To hear your voice. I know... I know you won't pick up... but I just need to hear it. I wish I could hug you again, and I'd never let you go. And I..." The phone automatically ended the message. "... I love you."

Louis:

"If you're not here to turn the lights off, I can't sleep."

 You stared into the darkness. Nothing was the same anymore. Everything had been changing over the past weeks, and you couldn't stop it. All you could do was just to watch it. Watch each and everyone around you leave as you pushed them further and further away. But what could you do? There was no point in living your life anymore. You felt numb. Your chest was one big hole of emptiness. He was gone. The one person that would always make you feel better. And now, he wasn't there for you anymore. He just disappeared. No goodbye. You closed your eyes. This would be when you would have tears streaming down your face, but you couldn't even a point in crying anymore. You remembered just how he'd smile at you, lying in the bed, watching you get ready to join him. His pretty, pretty smile. How he'd open his arms as you crawled into the bed, and how he'd reach out to turn off the light. He's wrap his arms tightly around you, making you feel safe, and leave a soft goodnightkiss on your cheek. Now, you were just wrapped up in the cold, old sheets that had lost all sense of his smell. He wasn't there to turn the lights off anymore. You were left with no one but yourself, and you couldn't sleep. 

Liam:

"I tried to smile today, then I realised there's no point anyway."

You walked out of the shop with your face down. You didn't want anyone to recognize you, so you put on your sunglasses, trhough there was no sun to cover for. With those you only kept people from being able to look you in your tired, emotionless eyes. You didn't want them to know how you felt. No one should know. You walked across the street without looking to the sides. You had your hands in your pockets. What was the point? You sighed and looked around. A girl came up to you. "You're Y/N, aren't you?" she asked with a sad look on her face. "Stay strong." You tried to smile at her, but you were pretty sure it turned out to be obviously false. There was no point in smiling, you thought. People could see right through you anyway. They felt bad for you. Trying to smile and convince them that you were fine had no point. You didn't even look at the girl that was still standing in front of you before turning around and leaving her. There was no point. No point anymore. He was gone, and nothing could bring him back. There was no point.

Zayn:

"And I can't come alive, I want the room to take me under."

You looked into the wall. Imagined how easy it would be for it to squeeze you against the opposite. How these four walls could just destroy you. Take you under. And you wouldn't even bother to make any resistance. You looked around and saw nothing but boring, grey walls even though the room was covered in pictures and paintings. You closed your eyes. You didn't feel like living anymore. You felt like there was a big hole inside you that just wouldn't heal. Would you ever be able to feel alive again? You were doubting it. You would sit here for the rest of your life, not doing anything but missing him. The one person that could always light up even your saddest moments. Where had he gone? You knew nothing but the fact that he wasn't coming back. Ever again. If he wasn't coming back, what was the point in you staying? You sighed. You begged for the room to just collapse around you. For it to take you under. Zayn. What would he say right now? He would probably pull you close and kiss your forehead before whispering that you shouldn't worry. That you should continue living your life as you always did, with or without him. But what would you respond? That you didn't know how to live without him.