The Marriage Contract

11. Equals

Ryland kissed me differently than I had ever been kissed. I felt the need to be close to me flowing out of him in massive waves of pure warmth and want that completely washed over me. If it was actually possible, I would say I could literally feel my heart growing warmer towards him.

Moving my hands to the back of his neck, I pushed myself closer to him. His hands slowly wound around my waist as he pulled me off the bench and onto his lap, my legs straddling either side of him. Gently, he ran his hands up and down my back, stopping every now and then to grip my hips or my waist; I ran my hands through the little bit of hair at the back of his neck as I relaxed into his chest. I could feel the vibrations of his chest as he almost let out a purr of satisfaction.

Finally, we pulled away for a breath of air. As we caught our breath, I looked into his dark, cloudy gray eyes, looking for any emotion that I could possibly find there. Not surprisingly, I couldn't pin-point any one specific thing; it's like the man never knew what he was feeling. However, there was one thing that did stand out: a purely pained and torn expression.

And I didn't like it one bit.

Hurt welled up in my chest as I tried to maneuver away from him, but he held me there. Closing my eyes, attempting to hide the unexpected tears that were prickling at the corner of my eyes, I placed my hands on his chest, pushing away from him, "Let me go, Steel," I said, trying only half-heartedly to pull away, a traitor tear slipping down my cheek.

"No," he said simply. "Look at me, please." I refused. I refused to look at him and let him know how his vacancy and regret of having anything to do with me hurt. I refused to have my heart taken again. More tears slipped down my cheeks to the point that they were impossible to hide. To my surprise, Ryland reached up and wiped them away, gently grabbing my chin and turning me to face him. "Rory..." he trailed off softly, sorrow and regret clear in his eyes.

I jerked away from him again, and this time he let me go. "What Ryland," I snapped, putting space between us as I walked towards the bathroom door, away from him. "You clearly regret what just happened. You have made it abundantly clear you don't want anything to do with me, so why fuck with my emotions like that? Hmm? Fuck you, Steel," I said, walking into the bathroom and slamming the door.

"Well," I mumbled to myself, "If that didn't just give away my damned crush on him I don't know what will."

Leaning up against the wall, I ran my fingers through my hair and sighed. It wasn't long before there was a light tap on the door. "Go away." He tapped on the door again. "I said go away, Steel." A couple more taps and I was getting annoyed. Walking over to the door, I opened it, glaring up at him. "Dammit, Steel, I said g– "

Before I could even finish my sentence, Ryland grabbed me by my face again and crashed his lips back down onto mine. He kissed me fast and urgently this time, lacing his fingers into my hair. He pulled back, leaving me breathless and looked down into my eyes, still holding my face. "I like you, Rory. Shit, I almost think I am starting to fall in love with you," he blurted, and once again, he knocked the breath out of me. But, I could still sense his hesitancy.

"What is it Ryland? You can't say something like that and have hesitations, too," I blurted out this time. He was quiet. Looking up into his eyes, I could almost see how bad he wanted to say something. Like an old wound was surfacing. And oddly enough – well, I guess not so oddly now – it hurt me for him. Reaching up, I placed my hand gently on his cheek, "What happened to you, Steel?"

He was quiet for a moment, refusing to look me in the eyes, but when he finally did, I wished that he hadn't. A pain so raw, so agonizing, so familiar that I knew exactly what it was before it ever crossed his lips.