Do You Mind If I Fly?

==> Dave: get attacked by imps

You are Dave Strider, and you are currently being attacked by at least thirteen small black fuckers.

==> Stop. Wait a minute.

What is it now?

==> This makes no sense. How did you even end up in this situation?

Man, you have no idea! It might be because no-one (a.k.a. the author) bothered to explain and, thus, you can't know.
It's hard being a fictional character. It's hard and nobody understands.

==> Enough with the drama. Let's look at past you, shall we?

Well, gee. Of course, you guess. It's not like, while the readers will read what past you faced, you will still be here... facing these monsters...

All alone...

==> Stop being a drama queen. We'll be back soon.

Alright then. You're completely fine with this. You're absolutely not sniffling because these heartless bastards known as the readers will leave you alone.

==> Dave: be Past Dave instead of this whiny bitch

You are now Past Dave. Except that at the same time you aren't, since Past Dave is now Present Dave and, gee, time sure is confusing isn't it.

Anyway, the chat with Jade from before left you... uh...

You didn't believe her. Like, at all.

You feel a bit bad for saying this, but let's face it. Jade is a furry who makes weird dreams all the time and lives almost alone on an hellish island with just her grandpa and a dog. You wouldn't be surprised if you were to discover she's completely nuts.

You still love her though.

AS A FRIEND! As a friend. This fanfiction is already confused about your love interest enough, that with the unrequited homocrush on the Lord of Derp and the Terezi thing that will definitely show up somewhere in the future.

Truth is, the author is kind of "meh" about ships that include you. She's just. Kind of. Fine with them? As long as you're not with Karkat. For. Some reason.

She's pretty weird.

Whatever.

Back to the plot.

You still care about Jade, but you tend not to believe her sometimes magic is real and you all are being sumoned by some kind of Hogwarts/Halfblood camp wannabe shithole.

Like, that's just not a thing.

Is it?

It isn't.

Right?

Right.

The thing has been bothering you for the last few days. As much as you don't really believe her, Jade's words disturbed you immensely, and that, coupling with the letter you received...

It's just creepy, ok?

You know that feeling after you've just watched a horror movie and you feel observed? You know you're alone in your house, but at the same time you're scared.

And believe something will jump on you from behind.

In a not suggestive way.

The fact that the clarification was even needed shows how much you need help, sincerely.

Anyway. As a result of the above mentioned uneasiness and paranoia, you've decided to, um.

Lock yourself in your own house? And keep a baseball bat near you. Just as a precaution, you know. Just in case.

Might as well put some garlic near doors and windows too, "just in case" vampires exist. Bluh, you're pathetic.

You've spent three hours locked in your room, when you finally decide to just wing it (wing what? There's nothing outside, dumbass) and go out.

You open the door (slowly, sneaky, shhhh), and peek outside.

Nothing, aside for the sun and wow, maybe you should put on your shades, ugh.

You do, and you look out again.

Still nothing.

I mean, of course there's nothing. What were you expecting? Centaurs? The Avengers? Voldemort?

You almost start laughing in relief, except that you're Dave Strider, so it's not allowed. Nothing breaks the Strider Pokerface(tm), especially not invisible, intangible dangers that don't actually exist.

Of course. Haha.

==> Present Dave: get ambushed by black motherfuckers (not in a racist way)

That is. Sort of abrupt. And random. But okay.

You are ambushed by a bunch of black (you mean actually coal black, before a bunch of Tumblr users get pissed at you-god knows that's exactly what you'd need right now, accuses of racism and whatever-phobia) little shits.

Who have knives- no wait, those are claws.

A'ight.

==> Present Dave: be Future Dave

You are NOT OKAY.

You are, as a matter of fact, the FURTHEST THING FROM OKAY RIGHT NOW.

These things are not human, nor animals, and when you break one of these shits' carapaces (carapaces!) with your bat, it takes all of your self control not to start screaming like a little bitch.

Because WHAT THE FUCK.

You're also losing, and badly.

You crumble down after a few minutes, and the imps get closer, giggling evilly.

Which would be shameful if this was canon, but it's not, it's a fanfiction, and it's not like you spent a good part of your life training in this universe, so shut the fuck up.

No, okay, it's still shameful as hell.

Imps, Dave. Are you for real?

You are saved from a very embarrassing death by a sword, that pierces right through one of the bastards' shell and send the others scrambling away, shrieking in their shrill voices. Your brother's way deeper tone brings you out of your stupor, as he grabs your hand and forces you on your feet.

"They weren't supposed to be here. Are you okay?"

"Bro" is your shaky reply "what the fuck."

I know this is like, super late (how can someone be late without a set update frequency? Idk but I apparently can), but my life has been a mess lately, and not in a good way. So, yeah. Sorry.
Also, if you can't tell, I'm kind of pissed with Tumblr.