Selfish

Chapter 36

I shrug. "You can't weight more than 20 pounds," I joked as I swept her in my arms. "Wow, you're even lighter than Mia."

She laughed, it was a childish laugh that brought a blush to her cheeks. That's when it hit me, Bella was in my arms. Weaker than before but it was still her. It was her warmth radiating from her to me as I carried her to my bedroom. She stayed silent as I laid her on my bed and covered both her and Lilly.

"You can sleep as much as you want, I'll be in the living room. Call me if you need me," I told her as I fixed the bed.

She took my hand in hers, keeping me from moving away from her. I looked at her as she looked at our joined hands and caressed mine with her thumb.

"Are you alright?" I asked.

She shrugged. "I... I want to apologize, Edward. I'm sorry." She looked at me in the eyes, hers filled with tears. "I'm very sorry that I ruined your life, that I lied and manipulated you, Jacob, Rosalie... Your family. I'm sorry. You have every right to hate me, I am everything you believe me to be. A bitch, a heartless monster." She paused and sobbed. "God, I am my mother."

"No, no you're not." I sat on the bed next to her. "You went through sixteen years of neglect and abuse from your own mother and apart from that your own father is after you. I can't say that I understand what it is like to be in your shoes, to live through what you have lived through, but I am no one to judge."

She looked at me and shook her head. "But I can't be forgiven, can I?" She laughed and wiped her tears away. "Do you seriously believe that after all the horrible things that I've done, anyone would forgive me?" She paused. "I'm not the girl I used to be, Edward. I'm not strong, I'm scared. I'm frighten for me, for Mia, for James, for you, for everyone that I know. Can I ever be forgiven?"

"That's up to you. If indeed you have change then that's what you have to prove it."

That gave her something to think about. I wished her a goodnight and left the room with nothing else to say.

That night I'd say I was rather sleepless. My mind was roaming through all over the things that happened today. Bella's weak condition, Charlie still haunting her life and adoptive mother of her own niece. That little girl obviously loves her, I saw the way she gripped herself to Bella, how she ran to her the moment she saw her and I know, I can see it in Bella's eyes that she loves her as well.

The next morning I was woken by a light patting on my face. When I opened my eyes I saw two pairs of blue eyes looking at me.

"Hey," I said as I stood up.

Mia smiles at me and reaches up to me. She's adorable, her cheeks are cubby and when she smiles she has small dimples. Her eyes are wide and big, make the blue in them pop out. Her straight blonde hair is a current mess, I think she might be hungry. Shit, I don't think I have anything to feed a baby.

I take her in my arms and sit her on my lap. "Hey, little girl, you hungry?"

She nodded without losing her cute smile.

"Is Ma still sleeping?"

She nodded again.

"Okay, okay," I said patting her back. "Let's go check on Ma first then we can make something for breakfast, does that sound good?"

Mia nodded her head. I have no idea if she understands what I'm saying but I will just go with she does.

When I opened the bedroom door, Bella is laying on her side on the bed. She's sound asleep. I watch her carefully just to make sure she's breathing, once I see her chest raise and drop a couple of times, I gently close the door.