Gone Forever

19 / Now [SPECIAL CHAPTER]

Jeongguk's ~ DIARY ENTRY. 

It's been a long time, hasn't it?

Ever since Yoongi's passing.

I haven't seen you.

Haven't contacted you.

Haven't appeared in front of you.

By now, you must've read that letter already.

And you must know the truth now?

Do you hate me for what I've done?

Rather than telling you the truth, I played along with his lies...

Fooling you...

Watching you suffer in sadness everyday...

Everday I wonder what would have happened if I had told you about all this beforehand.

Would that have made a difference?

Would that change your fate with Yoongi?

His fate?

Our fate?

Every single day I think of you, Na In.

There hasn't been a day where I haven't thought of you.

I wake up thinking about you.

I go to bed thinking about you.

Seven years.

Seven whole years of repetition. 

I miss you so much, but I'm afraid to confront you.

Are you married now?

Are you with someone who cherishes you?

I wonder if you still remember me?

Well, of course, you would remember me.

As someone who hid the truth about Yoongi.

Such a cruel lie...

That broke up your precious relationship with Yoongi.

I wanted to tell you the truth

But I was afraid...

I was selfish for not telling you...

I'm sorry, Na In.

I wish I could turn back time and tell you the truth so that none of this would have happened.

If I had told you the truth you would have been able to stay by Yoongi's side while he was in hospital.

The two of you would not have suffered through such despair, but rather cherished the final moments...

I ruined your relationship, didn't I?

I ruined everything between you and Yoongi.

I'm sorry that I couldn't have given Yoongi and you more time to cherish and love each other during that painful time.

All because I fell in love with you knowing that I shouldn't have.

How could I not have been mesmerized by your beautiful features?

The sparkles that lit up in the inner corner of your eyes everytime you smiled, only to be multiplied by the softness of your gentle laughter that emphasised every curve of your cheeks.

That was the smile that had my heart melting. 

That was the gentle laughter that calmed my mind.

I just couldn't not fall in love with a beautiful young woman like you.

Those times we spent together, just the two of us,

are the most important moments of my life.

Unforgettable and memorable.

I will always remember the moments when you cared for me,

asked me how I was,

and when you were sincerely worried about my disappearance.

I won't forget any of this. 

But you were in love with him.

I knew had to stop myself, which is why I left.

To forget you.

But none of that worked.

I couldn't do it.

Forgetting you was the thing I would never want to do.

That's why I agreed to help Yoongi.

I wanted you to forget him...

I wanted you to not suffer anymore.

But I didn't expect you to suffer in more pain.

Which is why I regret not telling you the truth.

This foolish decision made by me ruined the lives of two precious people.

You.

and

Yoongi.

I'm sorry for falling in love with you, Na In. 

I don't plan on appearing in front of you ever again.

I'm scared to confront you, Na In.

I've thought countless times of finding you again, but I just can't bring myself to your face.

Maybe in our next life, we can cross paths.

And maybe, I will be the man who will always be there for you and who will always love you with all his heart.

I will be the one to cheer you up from sadness.

I will be the one to wipe your tears.

I will be the one who will wake you up with a good morning kiss, followed by a specially made breakfast.

I will be the one who you will share your happiness and sadness with throughout your life.

I will be the one there for you.

I will be the one.

and finally, 

I will not be Gone forever.

-----------------------END OF DIARY ENTRY -----------------------

--- DIARY ENTRY TO BE SENT TO: KIM, Na In --- 

DATE: THE FUTURE FROM NOW

LOCATION: XX STREET, XXXX. 

SENDER: JEON, Jeongguk 

SHORT MESSAGE: If you are reading this, it means that I have finally brought my courage to tell you how I've been, through my diary entry - The day you receive this, is also the day I pass away. 

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