i'm holding on for dear life- harleyxjoker

tough girl, who's soul aches

Hi guys! Here is the latest chapter! I think the extended cut trailer as brought my inspiration for videos back so thats good! Also, I will be uploading a one-shot about a moment in this chapter which I would like to look at! I'll give you more details at the end of the chapter and later on xx Please enjoy!

Sleep just wouldn't come to her that night. Whether it was her previous reliance on the drugs to knock her out or the way she continued to replay the days events in her mind, she wasn't sure. It was probably both. She sighed and sat up slowly as to not wake the green-haired man slumbering beside her. He had fallen asleep while watching her. She knew that he was watching. She could tell he was getting tired as the fingers which ran through her hair got slower and heavier until finally they ceased moving. She could hear his deep breaths as he lay on his stomach, pressed close to her side. She absently rested a hand on his head, smiling as he nuzzled closer into her touch out of instinct. God, he was marvellous when he was asleep. She could still see the cogs turning in his mind. Thinking. Scheming.

His expression changed in his sleep, his brows knitting together in a moment of anger or annoyance and Harley could't help wondering if he was thinking of her.

She must be getting on his nerves by now. He wasn't used to her being so fragile around him. She hadn't cried in front of him, really cried, since she was Harleen. Sure, she'd sobbed and begged him to stop when he beat her, but they both knew that was all a show. She could dry those tears in an instant and plaster a smile on her face. But this, these tears, she couldn't make these go away. They weren't part of an elaborate performance to show him the power he had over her. These were purely the sadness welling up inside her and needing to find a away out. A form of escape. And it was humiliating.

Even now, when she was sitting here with him beside her, they still came to her eyes. She wiped them away quickly, not wanting to cry even in the privacy of the dark room. She wasn't weak like Harleen was. She didn't cry.

The Joker huffed in his sleep, shifting his weight possessively towards her and pulling her down to lay beside him. Harley submitted easily, letting herself he suffocated by his weight, the constriction of his arm around her waist making it slightly harder to breathe.

He hated when she was so clingy. How she always found a way to snake her arms around his neck or pull him a little closer to her. She should relish in these small moments where he was the one to touch her first, to want her body to be close to his. But instead it made her sick. She didn't want his sympathy. She wanted his fist in her stomach, a harsh backhand across the face and a stern word to go along with it. She didn't want it to change. She wanted to be reckless with him. She wanted to speed down the roads of Gotham and soak up the sound of his laughter. She wanted to dodge explosions and bathe in acid with him. She didn't want this to change. She didn't want them to change.

But that was her fault. She had to go and ruin everything, as usual. He had always told her that she was a dramatic little thing. Always running around creating something out of nothing. He was right, she was just a stupid little girl who was playing with things she didn't understand.

The hot tears burned down her cheek and she looked at the ceiling in an attempt to make them go away. They dripped soundlessly onto her shirt. He would grow tired of this soon. This wasn't fun for him. What good was a clown who wasn't funny? What would he do with her? Would he just leave? Take everyone and everything with him, and one day she would wake up to an empty house? Or would he kill her? Just beat her until her body completely gave out? She didn't want to think about it..

The Joker sighed again in his sleep. Harley looked over to him, trying to focus on his face, the curve of his lip, the scar on the edge of his jaw, the hollows of his eyes. She tried to memorise every detail of him incase it was the last time she ever looked at them. She leaned back, kissing his forehead softly before snuggling into him and looking at the glaringly bright alarm clock blinking 4:37 am.

~~~

He knew that she didn't sleep well. He could tell by the way her hand was balled up into a tight fist close to her chest. He slowly reached his arm over her body and massaged her tense muscles, slowly realising each of her fingers and stetting them out. She sighed, pressing her body close to his. He tense slightly, not enough for her to notice. Never enough to disturb her. This was torture for him. He hated seeing her like this.

He wanted nothing more to flip her over and kiss her into the mattress, hearing her giggle and squeal happily beneath him as he surprised her with his affection. But he lay there, still, and began to run his fingers through her blonde curls. Her face was drawn, her lip quivering slightly as she slept. He saw the ghost of Harleen Quinzel on her face, the innocent doctor who was once so naive and afraid. He thought she was all gone. Washed away in the burning acid. But as he lie here, she was never more present.

He pulled her closer to him, wanting to make it go away. To protect her. She was like a small child, deeply disturbed by the fantasies of her mind, unable to keep them at bay. He wanted to kill them for her. To put them into his already tortured mind so she didn't have to see them, so she didn't have to suffer at their hands. But he couldn't. That was nothing more than a schoolboy's fantasy. So he contented himself with bringing her as much comfort as he would allow himself, twisting the blonde hair between his fingers and running the tips of his finger down her arms. She would sleep better if she felt him here. He needed her to sleep better.

The oneshot is going to be the one time The Joker saw Harleen cry before she became Harley Quinn! I love Harleen's character and am so excited to see more of her in the extended cut! Come back soon for the next chapter and the oneshot! Have a nice day/night and see you all soon! xx