i'm holding on for dear life- harleyxjoker

when will i learn?

Hi everyone! Back with a new chapter! I hope you like it and tanks so much for reading and rating the story! Lots of love for you all! xx

Over the next few weeks, Harley seemed to be getting better. She resumed eating, her bones protruding through her skin less and less every day, her eyes holding some more of their usual spark.

But Pamela watched her closely. She still wasn't okay. When Tom or Doctor Leeland turned to leave after a check up Harley's sparkle dulled, only for a moment, before she realised that Ivy was still in the room. The plastered on her smile again and began talking above something in a chirpy voice in a vain attempt to distract both herself and Pamela from the drop in her facade.

Sometimes she couldn't put the smile back on and Pamela moved forward silently and held her close while she cried into her shoulder, the emotions to much to contain and mask away.

And when Harley had cried herself to sleep, sometime Pamela cried too. She hated being helpless. She hated not being able to fix her. She wanted nothing more than to take all of Harley's pain and somehow transfer it all into her body. To see her be genuinely happy again. And although Pamela could clearly see Harley was making steps in her recovery, it didn't make the fear that she was going to hurt herself again go away.

It was this fear that caused to to ask Harley one night after she had watched her pick at the peas left on her plate "Harley, why did you do it?"

Harley looked up, her mouth forming an 'o' shape as she looked to Ivy in shock. "W..What?"

"You heard me Harls" was Pamela's only reply.

Harley's shoulders bunched up, her body concaving inwards in an attempt to make her look smaller. She bit her lip anxiously and looked into her lap causing her blonde hair to fall forward and cover her face. Looking at her like this, her body a paining of her discomfort and sadness almost made Pamela regret asking the question. Almost.

"Harley" she pressed "Please, I need to know. I want to help. I want to make it go away." Harley looked up, emotions filtering clearly through her big blue eyes. It was in moments like these where Pamela remembered how young she really was.

"I..I.." she stammered, trying her best to find the words to properly articulate her emotions. Pamela watching patiently as she struggled with herself. She wanted to rush around the table and hug her, to tell her not to worry about it, that she would fix it and it would all be okay. But if she didn't know what caused it, she would never be able to fix it. She she remained in her chair, sitting straight and watching the blonde squirm uncomfortably.

"He..He was angry at me" she said quietly "I don't think he has ever hit me so hard."

She looked up at Ivy, leaning forward "H..He didn't mean to Red! Really! I just make him so angry and he can't help himself. It was my fault.." She bit her lip, tears welling in her eyes as she remembered what happened next. "I..I thought he was leaving, but he wasn't quite finished with me.. He..he threw me on the bed and...um..." Harley looked at her anxiously, hoping that Pamela would understand so she wouldn't have to explain the humiliating course of events.

Pamela understood perfectly. The rage bubbling up inside of her. How dare he touch her like that! How dare he! But she kept the anger contained, looking at Harley blankly. "Did you want it?"

Harley thought for a moment. She knew that it was the last thing she wanted, but she didn't want to get J in trouble or make Red upset. "I..It wasn't like that Red.. It doesn't matter."

Ivy growled. "Harley. Did you want it? Did he force you?"

The tears spilled over now, running down her cheeks and dripping off her chin. She nodded briefly before looking down at her lap. Pamela was seeing red. How could he use her like that!? He really was the sick freak that everyone thought he was. Images of poor Harley being pinned under him on the bed danced through her brain, making her grip on her cutlery tighten and turn her knuckles white.

Harley drew in a shaky breath. "W..When he really left, I went to take a bath. I wasn't even thinking about it until I saw the pills in the draw.. and when I got into the bath and put my head under the water, I decided I finally wanted to choose something for myself. That I wanted to make up my mind for once." Harley looked up at Ivy, her eyes full of sadness and hurt. "I was just done Red, I didn't think I could do it anymore."

Pamela stood up, walking around the table and hugging Harley close. She was shaking and Pamela immediately began tracing soothing patterns on her back and shushing her. "Its okay Harley, you did good" she crooned as the blonde continued to whimper in her arms.

Pamela was disgusted. She didn't think that she could hate The Joker more than she already did, but in that moment as Harley trembled and cried into her chest, the loathing inside of her was so powerful that she seriously considered breaking out of Arkham and beating the deranged clown into a bloody pulp.

But Pamela had always commended herself on the self control she was able to wield, so she pushed the thoughts to the back of her mind and continued to comfort Harley. She was getting better here, and that is what she needed to focus on right now. Dreams of killing The Joker could wait until she got back to her cell.

The Joker will be back in the next chapter so stay tuned!