The Peacekeeper

Chapter 22

"It's high time you start trusting yourself."

He just kept repeating that to himself, over and over and over again. Perhaps Dirk was right. Maybe it was time Karkat put a bit of faith in himself. He wasn't going to lie, not trusting himself was part of the reason why he refused to leave the room or have any positive interaction with Dave. Or anyone for that matter.

"I'm going to do it." Karkat looked at himself sternly in the bathroom mirror. "I'm going to fucking do it even if it kills me." The troll took a deep breath and pressed the tip of his finger against the mirror. "Listen here Karkat Vantas, you better not fuck anything up or else your sorry ass won't ever be mildly content ever again. We don't want that now do we?" He shook his head in response. No. Of course not. The troll took another deep breath and walked back to the bedroom and began abruptly taking out box after box of dusty memories. This was how he was going to push himself to get better. He could do this.

Opening up the boxes took Karkat nearly an hour. His mind kept wandering and distracting him. He was trying to procrastinate the inevitable flow of guilt and shame but sooner or later it would come. And it did happen.

The first thing Karkat pulled out was a photograph, a Polaroid picture of Dave and himself looking happier than a pair of clams. God damn, Karkat looked so young and happy with Dave there. Their arms were around one another, Dave held Karkat as close as possible. He had a nice life on the meteor. No worries. He even had a small sort of family. He was so happy. The troll quickly shoved that photo into his pocket before he started crying. He wouldn't ruin his plan by ending up blubbering like a baby.

The next item was a small diary Karkat kept on the meteor. Just some day by day feelings he jotted down to keep himself sane. Karkat put that to the side. He'd read it later, maybe it would make him feel just a bit more normal. Taking out the remaining items in the box, Karkat found almost everything useless. It was all just a bunch of old drawings and photographs that once held emotional meaning to him but was now nothing more than a waste of space and a reminder of how much different things were and how much of a painful reminder to everyone else how long Karkat had really been gone. The next few boxes, however, held some things that the troll found adequate. His old husktop was in there, looking as good as Karkat remembered it. It's crab-legs stand were a bit scratched up but it wasn't like Karkat needed that part anyway. He found a couple of romance novels along with a few Alternian history books and fairy tales, those could be great for later. He also found a few movies, most of the discs were mostly intact minus a couple scratches. This. This was the thing Karkat knew he needed but didn't know he was actually looking for it.

If he could watch a movie, like old times, it'd hopefully make him feel more at home. And if he felt more at home then he'd make himself better quicker and that would lead to happier life. God, it was like Karkat just won the lottery of happiness.

The troll grinned to himself and dug through the box. Tonight was going to be the beginning of a fresh start.

~

Everything was cold. The blankets didn't help Dave at all. What he needed was an insanely warm troll to angrily snuggle up against him. He needed Karkat. But he wasn't here. He was no where. He never came back and Dave would never stop blaming himself for it.

He stood up and looked out his window to see Cantown's beautiful sunrise. The Carapacians had done a great job at mapping out the life size version of Cantown, Dave only wished Karkat was here to see The Mayor's vision come to life. He highly doubted he'd see Karkat ever again. 

His alarm went off and Dave woke up with a start. Dave spent most of his  lunch break napping, he didn't get much sleep last night. His dreams were being plagued with sad memories of what used to be, but it wasn't like dreaming of missing Karkat was any better.