illuminate.

3/5

Lauren looks at her and raises her eyebrow. "Okay?"

It takes another few moments for Camila to collect her thoughts. After all, this could end her relationship.

"Today?"

"Sorry." Camila mumbles an apology before staring her speech that she only repeated in her head for about a thousand times. "I need you to be honest with me Lauren. What's going on with you? With us? For a while I feel like I'm only a puppet on your string and it's breaking my heart. It's tearing me apart."

"Camila..." Lauren lets out a sigh and runs her hand through her black hair

Camila knows her well enough to know this is a sign of a frustration.

"Nothing is going on Camila. You made it up."

"Please Lauren don't do that. Tell me what is wrong. I can take it. Please don't do this to my heart. I can't go through the same thing twice. Have mercy on me please. I'm begging you."

Lauren closes her eyes and takes a deep breath before getting up and walking over to Camila who is still standing at the door.

She hugs a younger girl tightly.

"Nothing is going on. I promise Camila. I love you and that's all that matters."

And she says it with such a sweetness on her voice that Camila can't help but let her break her heart all over again. She'd do it a thousand times if it means Lauren will hug her like this.

*
*
*

Don't Be A Fool;

It's barely past three in the morning on Friday night and Camila was just getting ready for bed when someone knocks on her window.

It's none other than Lauren.

"You're drunk." is the first thing Camila says when she sees her girlfriend.

"I'm not. A little tipsy maybe. Definitely not drunk."

"I was just about to go to sleep, what are you doing here?"

"You're hurt."

"Lauren I am just tired. I'm not hurt. Confused also. But not hurt."

"I don't think you'll ever understand..."

"Lauren?"

Lauren looks at the floor and plays with her flannel shirt.

"I'm sorry for hurting you. You have my heart Camz but I can't let you keep it; I can't stay. I'm a mess. Big one. And I keep hurting you. You deserve someone who will always be there by your side. Don't be a fool and stay with me. You can do so much better than me."

Lauren is a crying mess by now and Camila can't do anything but sit down next to her and hug her while she cries. And she cries with her because deep down she knows Lauren is right.

*
*
*

Honest;

Camila wakes up to an empty bed and she wonders if last night was just a dream. She realizes it's not when she sees Lauren's flannel shirt on her floor.

Her phone buzzes and what a surprise, it's Lauren.

"Hey Camz can you meet me in the park? I need to see you."

It takes only half an hour for Camila to get ready and get to Matheson Hammock Park.

She sees Lauren sitting on the grass and playing with a softball.

Lauren doesn't say a word when Camila sits down next to her.

"There's no easy way to do this." Lauren says softly and Camila closes her eyes because this is it, this is the beginning of the end.

"I need you to promise me that you won't blame yourself. This is not your fault at all. Trust me when I say this. I hate myself for doing this but I hate myself for hurting you, more than anything."

Camila doesn't need her to say the words, she doesn't want to hear them.

"Is it because of Lucy?"

Lauren blinks a few times as if she's surprised by Camila's word and maybe she is.

"No."

"Is it someone else?"

"I swear to god there's no one else.All I ever told you, about my feelings. I was always honest, it was all sincere, I still feel the same. When we kissed for the first time I felt like a kid in love, I was a kid in love."

Lauren took a deep breath to collect herself.

"I am gonna regret this but it's for the best."

Camila bit her lip to prevent any noise from leaving her mouth, but she couldn't prevent her tears.

"Please don't cry. I don't want to see you cry."

And to Camila it seemed so ironic how she said because she is the one who made her cry. It also made Lauren such a hypocrite because she herself was crying too.

"I'm begging you don't do this."

"You deserve more than I can promise Camila. You deserve the world and so much more. Every bit of happiness and love. I can't give you half of it."

Before Camila could say anything she felt Lauren's soft lips against her own.

"I love you Camz." Lauren's breath hit Camila's lips as she whispered her goodbye

Camila kept her eyes closed because she knew she can't watch Lauren leaving. She is just not strong enough.

She counted in her head and when she hit one hundred she opened her eyes. Lauren was no where near.

The only trace of her being here was the softball that was next to Camila.

Camila took it in her hands and she started crying again when she saw the text on it.

"Camz I will always love you, Lolo."

She spent the rest of the day and night crying in Troye's arms.