GOLDEN, luke hemmings

XXI: VOICEMAILS

"What's up—" She started, but was interrupted by Becca pressing PLAY and causing silence to fill the room. Whoever was on the end of the receiver was shuffling around a bit and sounded like they were in a loud environment.

"Ava. I know it's been so long since I have talked to you. I wanted to send letters but I was afraid of not getting a response. I know you moved around a lot after..." There was a pause, but Ava knew exactly what the speaker meant by it. She waited, heart racing in her chest, for the person to continue. "But I finally found—what I think—is your number. I really hope it's your number, Musume. I've missed you—we have all missed you. And we wanted to say sorry. There's a lot going on with the family now and we'd like you to be there for it. We live in the same place we used to. So don't be afraid to visit. I'm sorry."

Time stopped completely, or it at least that's what it felt like. The feeling was semi-indescribable, like a weird numbness mixed with the feeling of falling. Falling. That's exactly what it felt like. It's like the dream when you're calm and everything seems normal but then you trip, or fall and suddenly the floor is gone and the air whooshes you up and you feel pressure increase and decrease and your lungs struggle go catch your breath as you panic in mid-air—and then you jerk awake. You snap out of it. That's what it felt like, except for Ava, she had yet to snap out of it.

She blinked. It's official. Life was out to get her. Gulping loudly and trying to go over the words that she had just heard from a voice she hadn't [heard] in a while, she opened her mouth and then closed it redundantly, resembling a fish out of water, her hands making useless gestures to help her brain muster up the courage (and override the confusion) to voice her words. She was speechless, but also an unhealthy combination of furious and relieved—her palms were sweating more than usual and her heart sped up in her chest and her mind was a blaze of disorganized phrases mixed up into one big, messy jigsaw puzzle. If she were to list the messy things in life, she'd simply title it the 2nd Week of October 2016, since that's when it seemed that Jesus Christ himself had picked her name out of a hat and chosen her, Ava Mitsuko Morrison, to finally pay for all of her numerous sins in the period of a month.

Actually, in that sense, maybe she deserved it.

"Are you okay? Who was that? Who's Musume? Who was that?" Becca let out instantly, spitting out the words in one long exhale, tongue vibrating wildly against her front teeth in order to pronounce every word correctly in the span of approximately five seconds.

Almost in the daze of no control, Ava's words came out slurred and drawled, like she was on some type of tranquilization. Without glancing at Becca, she responded to the last question.

"My mom."

•••

Ava spent nearly forty five minutes explaining her life story to her roommate, leading up to slacked jaws and wide eyes as responses, and ending in silence only caused by shock. The two girls sat quietly; Ava fiddled with her fingers and Becca tried to figure out what to say, if she even could think of anything that is.

Ava left out the part that she told Luke about this before she told Becca. Not only would that fuel unhappy memories and cause Becca to frown, it was irrelevant and unnecessary to bring up— in her opinion. Wasn't it? It's not Luke particularly cared about her family life nor did he know that full details. That's what Ava told herself, but deep down she knew that, on better circumstances, Luke would've gleamed up at her with that charming, jubilant grin of his and take in every detail he could of her family if he wanted to.