Trigger Warning//Phan

Chapter five

Music:LUV//Troy Lanez

You might want some tissues or food... maybe both

~~~~~DANS POV~~~~~

Pain. I was overwhelmed by the amount of pain. It may have only been my arm but holy fucking hell it hurt. I know he just doing this to help them heal but there had to be a less painful way, and don't get me wrong I love pain I mean look where we are. My lip hurt from biting it, and my hand was cramping from the tight hold I had on Phil's knee. All that was left to do was the upper part of my left arm, and that's where the deepest ones are.

Once he finished I was in tears they were slowly falling down my cheeks, he wiped the tears away and when he had his hand on skin I felt butterfly's is mt stomach that's new. He moved his hands away and I instantly missed his touch. "Phil you said we could talk, and I want explaining because I'm confused..." He looked at me and responded with "Ask away"

"Why" "Be more specific Dan," be more- why else would I ask 'why' "What did I do that made you want to ditch me?" Tears where threatening to fall, did I really want to know what was wrong with me? Everything is wrong with you remember. Phil doesn't think that. Yes he does, everyone does. Your family is just counting down the days until they get rid of you. "I lied, I never wanted to ditch you but I thought making you mad at me would make it easier for you at least," after he said that he seemed to be distant, he was there but his mind was somewhere else.

"Phil, Phil?" he looked confused then at me, "yes?" "What's wrong? It looked like you were thinking but you looked sad..." His face dropped and as I thought he couldn't have looked sadder he did. "I was just thinking about the day before I left you all alone," he then stood up and hugged me it took me a second to process what was happening, but as soon as I did I hugged him back and we held on to each other like it was keeping us alive. The only sounds in the room where our breathing and sniffles from the both of us. It hadn't been more than 3 minutes and he mumbled something into my shoulder.

"Phil if you're going to speak you should do it so I can understand you." he lifted his head, "I said, can we sit down?" I chuckled, "It's your house so whatever you sat," We walked over to his bed and sat next to each other, we were really close practically on top of each other. Out of nowhere he spoke, "I am so sorry," he took a short breath "about everything." A normal person, or well anyone other than me would say something like 'you think that makes this better?!?!' but nope I'm me, "It's okay none of this was totally your fault." and for the first time in 5 years I genuinely smiled.

~~~~TiMe SkIp 3 days (DANS POV)~~~~

Things were looking up. I was three days clean, although I really didn't have a choice as Phil was everywhere. The bullying is still going on, but Phil is never around Mike when it happens. Every night I would go to his house and we would talk or just cuddle. It felt nice but I still had my doubts, he could just leave me again. He still hadn't given me the reason he 'had' to leave but I believe him that he had no choice. Out of everyone Phil's mum has to be the most excited about us hanging out again.Every time I enter her sight she hugs me or kisses my forehead.

It was the third day of us being 'us' and I have time to think when we cuddle. He hurt me, a lot really. For the last 5 years I have feared him, and there were scars both physically and mentally that shown what he had done. But here we are sitting on his bed cuddling, me between his legs resting my head between the crook of his neck. He was playing with my hair and I don't think I had ever been this peaceful. We were talking about everything but nothing at the same time.

He had a pretty tight hold on me with his other arm, he had it around my waist and it made me feel safe, and as if he didn't want me to leave. The entire time I felt different though, it's a good different I know that. But it's something I haven't felt in a while.When he held me or we had any type of contact I got butterflies. When he talked to me it felt like there was nothing else going on. His smile is my favorite thing in the world. When he smiles or laughs I can't help myself from doing the same.

Why is he friends with me? I don't know you're not good enough for him. I know. You're so fat, and ugly. I know I am. And to top it off you are worthless, he just pities you. It clicked right then, I have no reason to be living. Everyone is right it would be best if I killed myself. "I can't do this anymore," I called out forgetting I was being accompanied by Phil. He didn't do or say anything for a moment but then he turned me around so I was facing him and he hugged me,  I lost it then. I cried and cried, he didn't tell me to stop or make me leave he just hugged me closer and made weird shapes on my lower back with his thumb.

And even though I had pretty much just shut down, the thought of him sill being here for me made me smile a little.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

AN: welp that was a roller coaster of emotions so sorry if you cried

JK im not sorry.