Selfish ~ Trevor Jackson

We've Got Red Flags

After the show, which was twelve shows down, I called Leanni over the phone just to hear her voice. I pulled a little girl the same age as her on stage and she sang and dance with me to We Found Love just like Leanni and I used to do. Needless to say, she made me miss my child.

Leanni answered within three rings and before she spoke I heard female giggling in the background. I assumed that it was the TV or something because it suddenly stopped when Leanni said, "Hey mommy."

"Hey baby girl," I replied picking at my nails. "How are you? Did you see my show?"

"I'm well. I barely saw it, Uncle Sean hasn't learned to stay still," she stated sounding annoyed. I chuckled and asked her what she thought of it. "I thought it was really good! Can you tell Trevor hi for me?"

"Yeah sure, he's coming over in a bit actually," I responded with a little nervousness.

"Oh... Are you and Trevor getting along now, mommy?" She queried.

"Yes we are," I admitted.

"That's good! I miss you, mommy,"

"I miss you too, boo bear. Is daddy being good?"

"Yes, ma'am. We got to hang out with him and his--"

Once again the phone shut off randomly and instinctively I called back hoping to hear Lee Lee finish her sentence, but then it went straight to voicemail. I started to think suspiciously about the way the phone would hang up when Lee Lee and I would start talking about her father, but I quickly wiped away those thoughts. Maybe it was a coincidence, but if that shit happens again imma fight.

I decided to hop in the shower before Trevor could arrive and find me all sweaty. It was hard getting used to this, dating someone I claimed to hate only a week ago. And admitting my feelings for him. I wasn't planning on telling anyone about what was going on between us until we'd be dating a month, and when I do the sentence is definitely gunna start with "don't judge me." I won't be surprised if Sean asks about it before it's even a month but, ya know.

I changed into some American Eagle basketball shorts and a tank top and then pulled up my hair before removing my make up. Just as my mascara was coming off, there was a knock on my bedroom door. I quickly finished and then opened the door without asking who it was. "Hi," Trevor said with a grin. He was wearing a black fleece and Syracuse University pajama pants with some random Timberlands and carrying some snacks in hand.

"Hey," I grinned.

"I brought a few movies and video games is that cool?" He asked making his way inside.

"Yeah, that's fine," I answered taking some of the snacks from his hands.

"I'm sorry all of our dates are snacks and video games..."

"No, don't be sorry we're on tour we don't exactly have time to go on romantic walks in the park,"

"I know, but I know you're used to--"

"Don't worry about what I'm used to. I'm used to a lot of things, but did I give into you and your antics? Yes. Now pop in GTA so I can Sharkiesha your ass," he smiled at me and did as I asked while I grabbed a bag of chips to snack on. I pushed my back against the wall and propped myself up before grasping a controller and choosing my user from the last time we played. Trevor found himself beside me with one hand in the bag of Cheetos and the other with his leg almost on top of mine.

When we played video games together or did anything together, there was a pleasant silence between us. With it, I could temporarily block out all my shit going on and all the stress I had. Which was strange because normally dancing and rehearsal was what did it for me, the alone time I felt like I had. Even though I was cool with the other backup dancers, I wasn't close with them enough to go to their homes one on one. In the entire industry, Sean was the only one in it that I felt like I could trust and talk to.

He wasn't a "Yes man", he didn't tell me everything I wanted to hear he told me the truth and I always respected him for that. I mean, truth be told, I hated Sean because of it at first but it grew on me without me realizing it. And now I'm attached to Sean... And I think that's what's about to happen with Trevor.

And it scares me.

Maybe I shouldn't be scared, but I am. It's more than being afraid of meeting another Chris and it's more than growing up and learning I can't trust anyone, and it won't be easy to get over those things. It's all just to deep to really understand why I'm so selfish.

But what bothers me is how perfect Trevor is, like how could someone be so perfect. I mean clearly his past isn't with his deceased daughter Leanni and her deceased mother and all, but I felt like the answer to one of the questions I asked him probably bothered me the most... I didn't know what it was that bothered me about it, but I didn't have a good feeling about it.

"What's on your mind?" Trevor asked suddenly.

"Hmm?" I replied looking in his direction.

"You look like you're in deep thought," he said with a smirk.

"Oh... I was just... I was uhh..."

"You can be honest with me now, I'm not gunna judge you... Cross my heart,"

"Remember when we were playing twenty questions?"

"Yeah,"

"And I asked you about the limited time to live?"

"Uhh.. Yeah,"

"You were just so into that, it drives me crazy. It's like you were thinking about that forever!"

"Well... Uhh... Y-you kind of have time to think about that if you make time," I narrowed my eyes at him and nodded.

"Right..." I responded raising my eyebrow.

"You should try that some time," he said before clearing his throat. His eye contact had disappeared and was staring at the TV screen intently. Something just wasn't right. We've got red flags already.