I'm Saying it Now!

Clichés (Hobbit/Lord of the Rings Edition)

Once again, this is not aimed at anyone specific. This is a just a general sort of thing. I'd also like to point out that I didn't have a laptop to write, so I had more time reading. The cliches of some fan fictions did not change any more than the color of my hair.

I am a guilty of maybe three or four cliches for this genre. I'll point them out as I go on. Also these are just some of the major cliches that bother even me.

The original character/main character is transported to Middle Earth from this world.

I am very guilty of this as I have writen a fanfiction of this very cliche. However, I noticed the common way to enter Middle Earth is by car or closet. (I might try that. Not really.) Could no one be transported by shower? Or sleeping in their bed? Or a dream? ... What if it was all a dream? What about a book? Like Tom Riddle's Diary or some shit?

Also if they're transported to Middle Earth, could it at least be explained how and why? Seriously, was the closet just magical because someone grabbed some grapes from Narnia and plant the seeds for the house? And the car, was it the Weasley family's car?

This is never explained. It's also never explained what happened to the car after they arrive, nor the closet recieves explaination other than it vanished. ...Well, why the fuck did it appear in the first place?

Bilbo adopts everyone in Middle Earth.  

Somehow this little hobbit likes to leave his home without a care in the world and just adopts someone he meets. Usually, Bilbo like to just walk out to some forest, even though he is clearly, through multiple moments, stated to enjoy the enviroment of the shire and staying home. And more specifically, Bilbo adopts a female someone he just meets.

And if he didn't walk the forest that day, he just has a sister or brother that just so happens to have a daughter that he is just so bound to adopt. Don't worry little hobbit girl, who has a plain name, uncle Bilbo will take care of you far better than your five minute parents authors seem to hate.

The main character always chooses Thorin or Kili or Aragorn.  

I am guilty of this (though if the story was about me, I'd choose someone entirely different. But it's not, so fuck it). However, I have created one-shots of two additonal Dwarves known as Fili and Bofur. And soon, when ever I finish the Two Towers, there will be a Bifur love story and a Thranduil love story.

But I really want to know what the fuck is up with the Aragorn fan fiction's plots.

What the fuck happened to Arwen? Why does Aragorn toss aside everything he had built with Arwen for some half-elf, half-dwarf he just met? And how the fuck did an elf love a dwarf? Don't you people dare bring up the made-up, we-need-an-extra-thirty-minutes-in-this-bitch Tauriel.

Expect no one to care about the person they loved before.  

That's right. Thranduil isn't hard and ruthless because his wife died. Heavens no. He got over her the moment someone's OC walked in. It's not like there's a book to show just how ruthless this man became after his wife's death. And forget it, if there's no movie about it, we just don't know.

And Aragorn? ...

Can they at least have struggles to forget about someone or get over them? I mean, Thranduil's wife just DIED! Can they please have realistic emotions? Like who gets over someone in two seconds? Especially if that person is supposed to be immortal, over all anyway.

Half breeds. 

The only half breeds I've heard of are the Elves with humans (forgot their name at the moment). This is "completely" plausible because it happened "maybe, not too sure," once in a blue moon. I mean it just makes sense that once that this happened:

"My lord, my lord!"

King turns. "What is it, Dastin?"

"Have you heard the news? Mating with Elves is now a trend amoung kings!"

King's eyes widened. "Fetch my horse! I have Galadriel to swoon!"

...This happened. Yup. It's a trend.

And let's not forget the other trending half-breed. Half dwarf, half elf. There is no way, whatsoever, that a Dwarf and Elf would make an offspring. They just wouldn't. Or an Elf and a Hobbit. Elves are much like the super models of Middle Earth! Why would they procreate with anything other than a human? C'mon! That's the trend! Just... Why?

Gandalf's daughter loves Aragorn or Legolas.    

... I don't even... Okay, maybe people only watch the movies, so they don't know. However, Gandalf cannot reproduce. That's just it. Over. Done. Adoption is acceptable, but it's not likely. Also, it's called research. It's not that hard to type Gandalf in the search bar. Unless someone doesn't know how to spell his name.

Also, if someone is going to write about how the great Wizard's daughter became Legolas's or Aragorn's wife, can we have some detail on who the mother is? So many questions run through my strange mind when I read that Gandalf had a daughter, but even more questions widen my eyes when I don't know how the mother is. Quick lesson: if you have a plot, try to leave any holes by the time I finish reading the WHOLE story. I'm tired of standing there as I did at the end of Frozen.

There are many more, I'm sure, but I'm just going to stop here for now. After all, I did say I would only cover the major ones. If I need to go any further, I'll just write a book.