The Kids Aren't Alright ✓ | Peterick TeacherxStudent

13: I Still Feel That Rush in My Veins

"I've always believed in God. I'm just not so sure He believes in me." -Gray, Pete Wentz

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I stared at the ground that was a somewhat thirty feet below me. The first warm day of the year had finally come, and all the snow that once sat in ten-foot snowbanks along the sides of the roads was gone. The dead grass was visible once again and would soon start thriving. There were even bits of dandelions and violets poking out of the muddy earth every here and there. The world was starting to become beautiful again.

The weather had been great for the past few days. The sun had been constantly shining. Temperatures were rising into the 60s, and everyone was more than happy to shed their winter coats. But today was different.

The vibrant sun was now hidden behind dull clouds. The sky was no longer blue, but an ominous, dark gray. There was a storm, lurking, brewing, somewhere off in the distance, just threatening to strike.

I sighed and took a step away from the edge of the roof. Thirty feet probably wouldn't kill me, anyway. I'd just get a nice hospital visit. I sat back down, pressing my back to the barrier that surrounded the top of the school. I pulled my knees up to my chest and hung my head between them. I tried to squeeze these thoughts out of my head. These thoughts of wanting to harm myself, for no apparent reason, would just come flooding into my mind. You don't want to die. Pete doesn't want you to die. You don't want to die.

But even with my constant reminders, I just couldn't help myself. I would look at a bridge or building, and just think about jumping. My brain would just automatically think what if you just threw yourself off of there?

If you really thought about it, it wasn't that hard to do. Just one simple jump. Just one dozen pills. Just one pull of a trigger. Just one thing to end everything.

Stop. I pulled out my phone.

11:09 am

5 missed texts

I came up here right after second period. At this point, I had been up on the roof, contemplating the meaning of life, for well over two hours. I already missed all of English and a good portion of lunch, too.

From: Pete

Good morning :))

From: Joe

Hey man, we still on for movies friday night?

From: Pete

Skipping class? Shame on you. Detention ;)

From: Pete

Hey, are you okay? I saw you here this morning. Is everything alright?

From: Pete

Can you please just text me that so I know you're alive? Please be okay. Where are you?

I didn't know what to say. I wanted to spill everything, to pour my heart and soul out in one text. But instead my fingers hovered above the screen and I couldn't think of anything. I wanted to say everything but could say nothing. So I just sent one word, hoping he'd get the message.

To: Pete

roof

I hit send before I could regret it. I didn't necessarily want him to come up here and join me, but I knew that it was what I needed. Within minutes, I heard the door to my left fling itself open. From the noise, I wouldn't have been surprised if it flew off its hinges. Even so, I didn't even flinch. I didn't even react when Pete wrapped his arms around me so hard that I almost couldn't breathe.