Hold On To Me // [Z.M.]

Chapter 1 | At the Beginning

01

ITS BEEN FOUR years since I first met Zayn. Four exciting, blissful years. He was everything girls all over the world imagine, and he was mine. For now. 

His family, especially his mum and Waliyha, have been bugging Zayn and I for the past two years of our four year relationship, saying we needed to settle down, get engaged at the least. I was secretly hoping he would break from their pressure and finally pop the question, but I also knew he wasn't ready for that. His career had taken off, and he would be touring and doing promo. He had told me it would happen one day, promising it would be everything I ever wanted. 

I found a ring box in his sock drawer putting away his laundry months ago. It's still there, I've checked at least once a week. It made me feel better knowing that he was thinking about it, and that he was so close to proposing. Yet still, it wasn't on my finger. I wanted to take the next step. I wanted him to be mine, forever and always. I lay in bed sometimes, imagining him proposing to me. How he would do, where, what he would say. What it would be like to be married? I wanted to know. 

I wanted kids, too. I always told myself that as soon as I was out of uni, I'd settle down with a man and have kids. Now I'm with Zayn living my life like its a party. It's definitely not how I had expected my life to go. Almost every night is spent at a club, house party, or doing something wild. He smokes and drinks like theres no tomorrow, and occasionally I joined in. He loved not having responsibilities. It's understandable. He's a 25 year old music icon with money coming out of his ears, and he's enjoying it. So am I. I like the glamour, too, its just not as important to me as it is to him. I love Zayn, nonetheless, and it can be nice to be able to do whatever we want. I just don't know how long he thinks I'll be okay with this lifestyle. 

And he was one of the biggest solo artists in the world. He was gone so often, away on tour or promos, or just vacationing. He was living the dream. 

I really didn't want to interrupt his dream with my wishes for marriage and kids. He was having such an amazing time touring solo. He was releasing singles that reached number one in only a couple days, his songs were on the radio all the time, and he was performing for arenas all over the world. I was having an amazing time with him, too. Seeing the world was something I'd never thought I'd be able to do.

I attended awards shows with him in beautiful dresses. I lived with him in a luxurious flat in the center of London that overlooked the city skyline. I traveled the world. I had people asking for pictures with me. It was unbelievable. He treated me like a queen, giving me anything I wanted. And I treated him like a king. I could wait for him.

But as I threw up into the toilet, all I could think of was all the glamour going away.

Zayn rushed in at the sound of my heaving. "Clara, you alright, babe?" He bent down to where I was hunched over the toilet, grabbing my hair in one hand and rubbing circles on my back with the other.

"Just a bug, I think." I answered groggily, my stomach still tossing. I stood up and rinsed my mouth with mouthwash. Zayn flushed the toilet and took his phone out from his pocket.

"I'm canceling. I think I need to stay with you today," he said, pulling his phone out an unlocking it.

"No, no. Go. I'll be fine. This is an important meeting. All you've been talking about since your album came out is going on tour. Go, make plans to travel the world again. As long as I can come."

"Obviously, I wouldn't go anywhere without you. You're the best. I love you," he said and pressed his lips to my forehead. "If you feel any better call me and you can meet me for lunch somewhere downtown."