Flawed Perception

Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Why am I here? I asked myself as we pulled up to the party. I was still unable to explain how I had managed to be so easily persuaded into coming back to Jeremy's house for a party less than a week after having a panic attack on his stairs. I was becoming more and more like a Brittany kind of girl, which I thought I was better than.  

We had just pulled up to the house. Andy alighted from the slowly moving car the second the house was in view, leaving Nick and I alone. I parked around the corner, the same place I did the last time I was at the house. I felt my nerves begin to tremble as memories of that night came forth in my mind. I suddenly felt like I shouldn't leave the car. My hands firmly grasped the steering wheel. Nick opened his door, but upon noticing my apprehension stayed still.  

"You okay?" he asked me. He brought up his left hand to place it on my right. It was comforting and just the kind of support I needed to make me move. I looked to him, his reassuring grin staring into my heart making it beat quickly for just a moment. I felt a tingle in my right hand where I felt his touch.  

"Yeah! Class of 2013!" I heard a girl yell, prompting Nick to move again, taking his hand from mine. I couldn't say I wasn't disappointed. He got out of the car, shutting the door behind him and I followed. I turned my head around and watched as the car, my safety net, became farther and farther from my reach.  

It was a perfect summer day. The air was crisp and the twilight sky began to shadow over us. It was still light enough that I could make out the house ahead, reminding me of the panic I experienced only a week earlier. Despite the heat my hands were cold and I was shaking. I knew better than to go back to that house, yet the teen girl with the crush that lived inside me beckoned me to go. 

My heartbeat was fast, yet shallow and I began to slow my steps as I walked. Nick hadn't noticed and while he was only seconds earlier walking alongside me, he was now meters ahead. I heard him say something but I hadn't heard so he turned my way upon realizing I had fallen behind. He stopped, just as he had when we were young, and held out his hand for me as he waited. 

"Come on, slow poke," he teased. 

I felt immediate relief. I smiled as I watched him, standing there with a grin waiting for me. My heartbeat steadied, as did my breath. The closer I got to him the better I felt. Once I reached him I wasted no time grabbing hold of his hand. I held tightly and felt his fingers settle between mine, securing our connection.  

This was what I needed. I felt like I could face almost anything with just this hand to hold and the smiling boy that came with it. I was not dumb. I knew that he thought we were just friends, and that was it in his eyes. However, this was enough.  

"I hope Andy doesn't get stupid tonight. I don't know if I'll be able to handle another night of him the way he was last weekend," I confessed. Andy's erratic behavior was one of the biggest concerns I had about going to the party in the first place. It was Andy who started off everything bad that happened at the last party. At the same time, I wouldn't have Nick's hand in mine if it hadn't happened. I wondered then if my pain had been worth it because of that fact. 

"Well, with Andy you never really know what he'll do. He's been a bit different these last few days though," Nick told me. I noticed a small change in the fact that Andy hadn't spoken badly to me, but wondered how much about him had changed in the past week. "Did you know he hasn't even gotten high since that party?" 

"Seriously?" I asked in shock. Nick nodded in affirmation. That's the longest, to my knowledge, that Andy had gone without drugs since he started. Maybe he was changing. I suddenly became curious about Nick's drug use as well, as I knew he dabbled in the same things as Andy. "What about you? Are you still doing that stuff?"