Flawed Perception

Chapter 21

                 

Chapter 21

"That was awkward, right?" Jeremy asked on the way home from the mall.

"What was?" I knew what he was referring to but for some reason didn't want to acknowledge it.

"Seeing Nick and Brittany. Man, you could cut the tension with a knife."

"Yeah, it was weird." It was silent for a moment.

"He looks miserable." Jeremy stated. He was right. Nick looked upset. It bothered me, a feeling which I decided to interpret as pity. "Why is he with her when he obviously can't stand her?"

"Okay, Gossip Girl." I teased. He looked over and smiled.

"Ha. Ha." He laughed sarcastically. "Seriously though, he's not even the same person anymore."

"Maybe he's just upset about everything with his family and Andy ." I lied. I knew why he was upset, but I didn't want to bring it up.

"Maybe, but didn't it seem like he was trying to avoid us? Maybe he's on something."

"Maybe," I answered. I let the conversation fade. I didn't want to keep talking about it.

Jeremy dropped me off. He walked me to my door, giving me a kiss before leaving. I didn't like it when we parted. It left me too vulnerable to everything else going on in my life. Jeremy was my life line. At times it felt I needed him to survive.

I walked upstairs. No one was home. I remembered that Andy had a narcotics anonymous meeting and that my mom was going to go with him. They had asked me to go, but I wasn't ready. There were always other meetings.

I went into the hall closet, where we kept some things from the old house. In the very back, with jackets and throw blankets draping all around it was Andy's old guitar. I picked it up. I ventured toward his room. Though I knew no one was home I still tread lightly I his dark room. I lay the guitar on his bed and put the picks next to it with a short note I wrote earlier. In it I just told him I was happy for him and for him to stay strong. I left the room and went to bed.

Talking from the living room woke me. I looked at my phone, it was nearly ten pm.  I tried to get back to sleep but then heard a soft knock on my door and sat up.

"Willi? You awake?" Andy asked in a delicate whisper.

"I am now," I replied. He left the light off and walked toward me. He sat on the end of my bed.

"Thanks for the picks." I smiled, and he smiled back which I barely saw by the light from the hall. "You know I'm forty days sober?"

"Really? That's amazing Andy!" I looked over and his head was hung down. "What is it?"

"I'm just kind of freaking out. What if I mess up?" He asked anxiously. "I just feel like everyone is expecting so much from me."

"Andy, you are doing so well. Don't worry about it." Suddenly my conversation with Jeremy came to mind. I was part of the problem.  I needed to fix it "People make mistakes, Andy. No one is perfect. I don't expect you to be. As long as you try, and as long as you are safe, I am happy."

"Really? What if I relapse? I just feel like you and mom put all this hope into my recovery." His voice was shaky.

"It would piss me off, honestly, but after everything that happened I just know I can't lose you. I'll help you no matter what. Okay?" He nodded.

"Thanks, Willa. Goodnight." He leaned over and hugged me gently. I wanted to cry, but I knew Andy needed my strength.

"Goodnight little brother," I said. He quietly walked out and closed the door.