Winged Dreams

Chapter 42: Bittersweet

September 2nd, 2016

We're reaching the end. Almost there alhamdulilah, just a couple of parts left!

"And Allah wants to lighten for you [your difficulties]; and mankind was created weak."

[Qur'an]

Chapter 42:

Bittersweet

"Will Anam fetch that for her Dada?" Jawed asked and Anam squealed, shuffling in her place and then crawling to grab the stuffed toy that Jawed pointed at.

While previously she would sit and babble a lot, Anam had reached another milestone and had just begun crawling, much to the amusement of all around her. Her tiny palms and knees perched on the ground and her bottom in the air, she was a total cutie as she moved around the house.

"Dada!" She exclaimed, handing him the toy and as Jawed clapped for her mini achievement, she giggled and brought both her palms to her eyes, hiding the shyness that the praise caused.

"Aww aren't you such a shy baby, just like your dad!" Jawed said and at his words, Dina tried her best to not let that smile falter.

As if he'd made a mistake, Jawed turned to look at Dina. It was the first time in forever that she had decided to abandon her room and had joined her in laws in the drawing room. Her hair pulled back in a braid with her pale face hinting on her weak self, she tried to ignore the almost remorseful look in Jawed's eyes, as if it was a silent apology for having mentioned Bilal.

It wasn't supposed to be this way. While the reminder of Bilal would hurt her beyond words, not mentioning him would kill her. He wasn't in this world, but he was in her heart. Now and forever.

She would train herself to get used to the sting that was accompanied with the mention of his name, and she'd let the happy times that she created with him weigh heavier than all sorrows of this world.

She wouldn't give people the image that he wasn't supposed to be mentioned, or that, this reminded her of the life she couldn't have.

No, she wouldn't do that. Instead, she'd encourage them to talk about him around her, they would smile thinking about him and they would emulate the supreme character he possessed. He wouldn't be remembered as a tragedy, he was an enigma, and his story would be narrated time and again and this way, he'd continue to live with them.

Bilal used to always ask her to smile,"Don't ever let that smile falter, okay?" he used to say, and so, that's what she did.

She continued to smile and as if it wasn't like a bazillion rocks were broken on her, she effortlessly brushed aside Jawed's apology and said, "After all, she's daddy's little girl. My Anam will grow to be as soft and generous as her daddy, won't you, sweetheart?"

Jawed looked at his daughter in adoration, wondering from where this girl was getting so much strength and patience.

"And in sha Allah, she'll also grow to be strong as you," he added and Dina smiled painfully.

As Shabana walked out of the kitchen, handing Dina a large bowl of soup, even before she could protest, Shabana dismissed, "I'm not listening to a no. The baby needs it."

Dine accepted it wordlessly, not throwing any tantrums. She was right after all, the baby needed it and while she was so used to denying the offer of consuming meals all this time, it had to change now.

She couldn't even begin to fathom the thought of her eating habits compromising on the baby's health. As she took a spoonful of the soup and swallowed it, she quickly blinked back tears when she was reminded about Bilal and how he'd feed her everytime she didn't feel like eating when she was pregnant with Anam.