What Should Have Been

Part 22

Sorry... 😫

For the last 18 hours Connie had done nothing but think about Sam. She knew there had been something wrong about this whole situation. His coming back, the way he was around her, the funny turns he had more and more. She sat at the bottom of the stairs chewing her lip as she tried not to think about everything it could be.

When a knock at the door came she was standing in a heartbeat. Checking her face in the mirror once more she removed the small traces of mascara from under her eyes where tears had fallen earlier. Shaking herself quickly she moved to the door opening it to see Sam dressed fairly smartly. "Hey..."

Connie forced a smile stepping out, closing the door behind her. Neither spoke a word as they made their way down to his car. It wasn't like it always was with them. It was awkward, something they both wanted to avoid, yet here they were. Sam drove towards the restaurant without speaking.

Getting there they climbed out one after the other. Sam walked beside Connie and up the steps to the restaurant. "Table under Strachan... Thanks." He offered a smile, the only one of the night so far as they were shown to a table. Connie thanked them before sitting down looking anywhere but to Sam.

He couldn't take his eyes from her though. "You look beautiful Con." "Thanks." She briefly smiled before letting her eyes scan the room again. Sam sighed leaning back rubbing his hands over his face. "Is this really how it's going to be all night?" "I don't know what you expect me to say to you."

Connie finally met his eyes seeing just how much this was hurting him too. He reached forward taking her hand letting his eyes drop to their now entwined fingers. "I didn't- I wanted to-" He coughed struggling for words before pausing for a moment. "I did come back to tell you because I knew I was going to need someone... But after seeing Grace, how happy you seemed I couldn't be the idiot who flew back to drop a bombshell."

She sighed looking away, biting her lip again as she tried to contain the tears. Her eyes were glassing over no matter how hard she tried to stop it. "This is serious then?" Sam nodded causing Connie to inhale sharply. He closed his eyes knowing that his next three words would cause everything they had built up in the last four months to come crashing down around them.

"I have cancer." He quite literally watched her shatter before him and the walls go up. "About a week before I flew to England, I had a meeting where I found I had a brain tumour. I had sort have known already, but hearing those words... It just- Everything changed you know? All I wanted was to see someone familiar- Someone I cared about..."

Sam felt her grip on him loosen before she pulled her hand back picking up her glass. Her eyes moved from him to look across the restaurant once again. They found a couple on the other side of the room looking so happy. Enjoying each others company without a single thing in the world mattering except them.

Connie's chest was tight and each breath pained her. How could he come back here just to tell her he was possibly going to die? How could he lie for four months and make her believe that they could have something. That they could be happy together and have this great, long life. "Say something Connie..."

Instantly her guard was up and she didn't intend to drop it. "What treatment are you having?" Sam dropped his head knowing that his answer wouldn't impress her anymore than the news had. She turned to face him as he rest his head in his hands. "I haven't..." Connie glared across the table at him. "The headaches, the dizziness, the feeling ill is all because of it?" Sam nodded before he saw the anger rising.

"How could you be so selfish!?" She pushed her chair back grabbing her bag as she stormed out from the restaurant. All eyes had turned to him sitting alone after her voice had echoed around the place. He closed his eyes wishing that this would all disappear when he opened them but he knew this was the reality he would have to learn to live with.

Outside Connie wandered down the first few steps before needing the support of the railings. Clinging on she tried taking slower breathes as she suddenly felt starved of oxygen. She stood up continuing to walk until she could physically go no further. As she looked out over the bay her knees trembled before disappearing beneath her.

Sam eventually got up from where he was sat running from the restaurant. He stepped outside looking around before running down to the bay where he assumed she'd have gone. What he saw though was more painful than any other sight. Connie was sat crumpled in a heap, her body shaking with her cries.

He moved closer to her bending down to try help her up. "Connie-" "Get away from me!" Her voice was hoarse and bitter as she looked up at him. She quickly wiped a hand across her cheeks before standing up. "You can't do this! You can't leave me and Grace alone!" Hearing her broken voice hurt more than he could have imagined.

Sam knew that this was inevitably his fault. He should have told her right away while he had the chance to. He'd expected a lot from Connie, but seeing her raw emotions like this hadn't been one of them. Sam took a step forwards but Connie flinched taking a step backwards.

He watched as silent tears continued to fall down her cheeks despite her best efforts to stop them. He'd built up a relationship with her in the months he'd been back, but he hadn't realised how much she depended on that. Sam moved closer again trying to provide some kind of comfort to her but she just pushed his arms away.

Finally he snapped. He knew he shouldn't have, but he couldn't take this. "Con it's me with the cancer, not you! Why are you acting like it's your life ruined!?" Connie looked up as the glare eased and the pain was clear. Her words slipped effortlessly from her lips as the final few pieces of her shattered. "Because I love you!"

Her words went straight through him as he looked at her. Connie couldn't believe what she'd said and she wasn't sure what there was to say after this. "Con-" "I need to go." Avoiding his outstretched hand once more she walked past him sniffling, a hand covering her mouth as she tried not to cry. Sam was left on the docks in the dark watching her shrinking figure disappear.