тєars ín тнє raín (wєєknd ғan-ғíc)

沈黙のエコー (Echoes Of Silence)

Abel's P.O.V:

Today was the last day of filming Pretty and I was happy. I've been yearning for this day for two weeks now. Not only will I start to shoot my next three videos, I will be far, far away from Aiko. She was a problem I did not want anymore in my life. She was a problem I couldn't deal with, only because she wasn't the problem. I was.

I was the one who couldn't resist her soft touch against my skin. I was the one who couldn't resist to her pleading whispering. I was the one who couldn't resist her small frame hugged by her silk robe. I was the one who couldn't resist her. I was the problem.

For two weeks I have been messing with Aiko, for two weeks I have been lying to Amber, and for two weeks my guilt has reached an ultimate high. To think that the guilt I had when with Valerie was bearable compared to the guilt I had now was a complete understatement. I never felt so bad, so hurt, to hurt another woman. But with Amber I couldn't help but feel like complete shit. Just by looking at her, noticing that she noticed my change in behavior pained me.

Not only my change of behavior because I've been with Aiko, but my change in behavior in general. I've been feeling more ruthless, more aggressive, more ... more heartless. I got angry over the littlest things, times where I felt like demons were entering me and controlling my body. It reminded me of a time before I met Valerie, a time before I met Amber. And that was not a good time ... not at all.  

Amber would question me where I was, and then I would flip it on her. And although afterwards I would apologize and make it up to her, the process would just repeat. But she would never leave, never.

***

"Where the fuck were you Abel?! Lamar said he wasn't with you at the club!"

"The fuck you talking to Lamar for?! Aight I wasn't with him so what? I knew if I said I was alone ya ass wouldn't believe me."

"You're drunk okay? Go to bed." She turned around and went to the bedroom, and slammed the door. Her doing that pissed me off, and trying to end the conversation just like that. I wasn't drunk, I was high, and I knew damn well what I was saying to her. 

I stormed into the room, startling her. She put her phone down so the screen was facing the bed. Each step I took, the more she she moved back, until her back hit the headboard. I grabbed her phone and saw the name Freddy 😝. I looked at her, rage very clear in my eyes. She went to grab for it, but I grabbed her arm. I started to look at the text messages, talking about meeting up and going to club, hanging out "like old times". I threw the phone on the bed before I cracked the screen just by squeezing it.

She was blowing my high, and that was bad. If there was anything in the world I hated most, it was when my high was interrupted with bullshit. And this bullshit made me want to punch something.

"Who the fuck is he Amber? Who's this Freddy guy?"

All she did was scoff, which was a bad choice on her end. I tightened my grip on her arm, and brought her close to my face, the smell of weed clear as day.

"I'm going to ask you again. Who is he?"

"Ow Abel you're hurting me!!"

"WHO IS HE?!?!"

"I WENT TO SCHOOL WITH HIM, OW ABEL GET OFF OF ME!!" 

I let go of her, and pushed her onto the bed. I started to pace around, rubbing my hands. I looked at her, then looked at her arm. I saw a red spot on her arm and shook my head. I ran to the bathroom, splashing water on my face. I couldn't believe I just did that. 

But what was I expecting? What was she expecting?

We both knew how this was gonna end. I knew how this was gonna end. It always ended the same.

To think that I could actually keep this up, to think I could actually make more to us was imagination. It was idiotic, foolery on both of our ends. 

Violence is something that runs through my veins, it's not something I could just hold in. It's as if I was controlling milk from boiling over from a pot, but no matter what it always happened. To just burn out the flame was an impossible task. I could turn it off for days, weeks, probably months. But it was like those birthday candles that you blow out, but it always went back on, fooling you. You thought you put it out, but it comes back on to remind you that it's gonna take more than just a simple blow to take it out.

I didn't have anything but a simple blow. 

I saw it in her eyes, I saw the fear of her getting with me. But I was selfish, I wanted my feelings to be valued more than her fear. I wanted to be loved so badly once again, I completely erased what she was thinking and thought it as nothing when it was indeed something. 

Amber's P.O.V:

I went down to the kitchen wrapping some ice cubes in paper towels. I put it towards the bruise, flinching at the pain. I wish I could I say this was the first time. I wish I could say he never done this before. I wish I could say that it was just a accident. 

But it wasn't the first time. He has done this before. And it wasn't an accident.

I knew he didn't mean it. I knew it was only the drugs in his system causing him to act like this. Abel would never act like this if he wasn't high. I knew his worth, I knew the real him, and it wasn't like this.

But for weeks drugs seemed to be the only thing he had in his system. He wasn't the loving, sarcastic Abel I knew when we first met on the elevator. He was now empty. The words I would normally blush when he said them, now held little meaning to them. There were times when he said he loved me, yet his eyes called out the opposite.

And yet I never confronted him, hoping he would see this for himself, hoping he could change himself. All this hope forced me to stay because let's face it, him being in my little life gave me such a thrill, and I like the thrill. It always attracted me, bad or good. The thrill made me feel so real, the thrill ... made me feel.

And I couldn't let it go. I couldn't leave him behind, I couldn't let him leave me all behind.

----

So I entered this book in The Wattys 2016. Doubt I'll win but wish me luck 💋

Who should I write about next?

Abel & Amber (comment here)
Jacques & Val (comment here)
The mysterious man who wants Abel (comment here)

XOTWOD.