Despondency

Chapter 23

*****VOTE AND COMMETN*****

Aiyana was swimming in blackness before she started to see watery images. Not her own memories, but someone elses. Each day was sped up but slowed at key points. Some parts were missing, then it became clear.
Isabella was his mother's name. She was a strong woman who always wanted cleanliness, as if the very moon goddess where to grace them with her presence at a moments notice. He had only two brothers. He was the eldest. His father's name was Henry Davenport. As much as he loved his sons he obviously loved their mother more.
They lived in the pack village closest to the pack house. Only the Alpha lived in the pack house as per usual.
He grew up strong and handsome under his father and mother's watchful eyes. He was so happy. She could feel how content he was with his life. As he reached 16 he set his eyes on the gamma's daughter who was just 6 months younger than him. Sadley, he would never approach her. He simply fell in love quietly. Aiyana had always believed love was loud, but his was silent as his grave. When he turned 17 he approached her and started to follow her everywhere. Her name was Liley, and she was just as delicate as one. He would walk with her to training and school and help her with her chores and lawn. He honestly loved her. He loved her white smile and her golden terreses. He loved her deep rich brown eyes. At some point she loved him back. They never kissed, held hands or even talked about how they felt. It was quiet. Then on his 18th birthday he admitted to his friends that he loved her and hoped she was his mate.
The next day when he saw her she was in the arms of another pack's alpha. She wasn't his mate.
As quietly as he fell in love, he broke apart.
He attended her mating ceremony (the equivalent of a human wedding) kissed her hand and wished her good luck in her knew life. He never looked back. He wasn't so selfish to take her away from her other half. He was indeed in love with the girl, so he let her quietly slip through his finger's into another's hands.
What was his name? It hadn't come yet.
He moved up in ranks in his own pack. First he had several warrior positions then he became gamma. A position that constantly reminded him of his love. He still loved her. Then he met her.
She wasn't quiet or small. She was strong as an ox, messy, curvy, and had pitch black eyes. Her honey tanned skin glowed in the light. She was nothing like his secret sweetheart. She was a breath of fresh air. And she was his mate. Her name was Samantha. However, she made it very clear that she loved any man who bravely called her 'Chica'. She was very opinionated and intimidated the poor shy man with bombardments of how attractive he was. Finally she asked if he was her mate. Not once did she stutter. She wasn't old enough to tell who her mate was. He said yes and they held a mating ceremony. They had three strapping boys and two witty girls.
He was about the age of thirty when the pack was under attack. He bravely marched onto the battle field in confidence of his pack. He was a better man because of his mate. He fought courageously, turned and then black.
The next time he woke he was on a bed in a hospital room. He was missing his fang. He thanked the moon goddess silently as he saw his mate and children one last time before he would leave them. And then with tear soaked faces around him, he put his hand against his mate's cheek, whispered 'I love all of you' and died. His life wasn't perfect, but it was beautiful.
That wasn't all that Aiyana saw.
After he closed his eyes he opened them to find himself in a warm place. His feet stepped on cold smooth tiles in a garden. The greens were dark. Most of the plants were white, blue, purple or even black. It was a wonderful place, surrounded by pure nature. He walked forward, passing trees, flowers and even a fountian. Finally he made his way to a tall tree. At the foot of the tree knelt a small woman. She had hair so blonde it was white. When she turned she had similar features to his mother. But her eyes where white with a thin inky, black ring around where her iris should be. She had the moon in her eyes.
"Brandon." She spoke softly, as if it didn't come from her, but the gentle breeze.
"Who are you?"
She let out a small laugh, it sounded like a slow high pitched bell, tinkering in the breeze. Her pale creamy skin showed no tint of red beside her soft pink lips. She was whiter than paper and friendlier than a warm welcome.
"I am your first mother..." her features shifted to that of liley's "your first love..." again her face changed to a one he knew better than his reflection, his mate "and your last love..."
He gave a perplexed look.
"Most of my children recognize me. I knew you would not. I am the moon goddess. I am love."
"Don't you sound arrogent." He mumbled.
Her eyes set ablaze with black fire.
"Don't you sound ignorant? I say I am love because I am. I am the feeling within every heart that grows and breaks. I know every wolf more intimately and deeply than any other. I know exactly how you felt the day you lost your position as Gamma, the day you let go of Liley, the day you lost your father and mother, the day you lost your first fight and the day you died. I felt it all, I know all. I say I am love. What I am not is the god that contorts your heart to bitterness. You stubborn wolf." She softened. Brandon was struck silent.
"I was also there when you met your siblings eyes the first time, sitting on your father's knee. I was there when you fell for your first crush, when you met your mate, every day you cared deeply for your children..." she smiled quietley.
"I feel all the love in the world because I gave it to you instead of keeping my selfish love to myself." Her eyes moved to the sky where there was a beautiful painting of the sun, but in blues and greys.
"You are a curious, hot headed, shy wolf." She smiled. "Yes your parents are here, your children will live long lives and you can watch over your mate. I am love and part of love is mercy and forgiveness. All the qualities of love I possess."
"Even to destroy another?"
"That is not a quality of love. Love is to save. Not to destroy, the only thing love can destroy is itself, and even then it somehow survives." She stepped forward and hugged him to her chest. She was an affectionate person. Soon she started to cry.
"Welcome home." She whispered in a teary voice. Then she looked up and made eye contact with Aiyanna. The man disapeared. Suddenly she saw through her own eyes.
The moon goddess' features shifted into her mother. Apple cheeks and high arched eyebrows. Her hair darkened from white to black to reflect her mom's curly hair. Then she shifted once more into something that looked like Vitally's sister and then to Sonya.
"Aiyana, I would embrace you child, but I can only embrace you once you come back to me."
"Am I dead?" The moon goddess sighed and Brandon appeared at her shoulder, looking younger than ever at the age of 20. Gone were his wrinkles.
"You bonded to the dead."
"So I am no longer bonded to Constantin?"
"Yes, you are very clever, but more faithful."
"So why am I here?"
"You must return the fang to his mate. Be weary that she will not like you to bear his mark. Please honor Brandon and his life."
"Have you not heard my prayers? I'm escaping right now! I can't stop to put humpty back together again!"
"You are running through his pack. And yes, I grieve at your prayers. I shall answer one question and wish that your heart may ask, then you must leave.
Aiyana stared at the woman with ever changing features. She picked her words carelessly from her mind. She was so lost.
"What do I do?" She desperately asked.
"Aiyana, you have so much faith in me, in your mate, in life... your trial in life is to learn how to trust yourself. In your wolf, those little instincts you feel. You are in the best hands; your own hands."
The moon goddess parted her coral pink lips to reveal stunning white teeth.
"So faithful, and overthinking. I'll leave you with a blessing. It's the most interference I can afford."
Then she faded away to leave behind Brandon. A dead man that Aiyana felt she had known for years.
"Tell my Chica that it's okay to remember me. Tell her I still love her... please." He was so pained. Then he smiled with warmth.
"And watch her left hand, she's gonna try to smack you." He smiled before he turned away.
"Wait!" Ai called to him. He looked on expectantly as she gathered her thoughts.
"Why- why did you let Liley walk out of your life like that? You loved eachother, why didn't you fight for her?"
"Because I loved her." He paused for a second in thought. "I never really looked back. Huh. I knew that Liley would be happy with him. He was a good man. And she wasn't my mate, she wasn't my other half. She and I did better because we let eachother leave. Sometimes... that's part of love and life."
Aiyana nodded her head still slightly curious. She let him turn again.
"Wait!"
He turned back to her with a strong arched brow. Aiyana pleaded to him through her eyes.
"If you don't hate me? Will you watch over me?" He frowned slightly.
"I already am." He paused "You'll be fine kiddo."
Then all went back to black.