GOLDEN, luke hemmings

XI: PEOPLE DON'T COMPLETE PEOPLE

Luke made her out to be the most perfect girl in the world, but no one is perfect. Everyone has their problems and he was too wrapped up in a cliché romantic novel to realize that. He thought that she could cure him, but only he could do that.

It was all one-sided and Luke found himself growing co-dependent on a girl who he thought could complete him, who he thought could be the very reason he gets up in the morning. He thought that she could be who he could rely on.

But people don't complete people. People are already completed on their own. They are full, they are strong, and they can't depend on someone with an unrealistic and toxic fantasy that rang far from true. You shouldn't place your happiness into other people's hands because they drop it–you need to count on yourself to try and love yourself and be the fulfillment that you need. It's hard, but you are capable of anything and you don't have to need someone to fix you because people don't have the duty of fixing other people. They can only help.

And, God, Luke wished he had learned that sooner.

When Delilah left, it ruined him because of the harmful, romanticizing thoughts that had been pushed into his brain so ordinarily. He didn't eat, sleep, or talk to anyone for days. He barely got out of bed. His heart was a wreck, much like his mind, and it was nothing like Leona Lewis songs and John Green books—heartbreak fucking sucked and it was so much worse than how people could describe it. The breakup–could one even really call what Luke and Delilah had a breakup?–changed Luke into a more complex and cryptic person. His views had changed and his abandonment issues and commitment issues only grew stronger and every night that he actually got out of the house he found himself getting drunk in some random bar, hitting on any random girl that in the least bit even reminded him of the girl he was so dangerously in love with, and waking up the next morning in some stranger's bed.

Not only was it bad for his physical health, but his mental as well. He used to be out in the open, like a fresh wound that didn't have any protection from the bacteria around it, but he quickly built walls around him that made him out to be confident and happy, but inside he knew there was nothing more than broken pieces where his heart was. Sure, now he was protected—like a band aid over the wound—but if you keep covering up and covering up without actually giving it a thought, the wound will never heal.

He locked himself away, and frankly, still continues to do so.

Lately, though, he knows he's been better, he knows that he's improved. For one, he actually came to work instead of flaking and he hadn't drank or slept with anyone in a while. And he knew that at least deserved a pat on the back for that. He already figured out part of the reason, and it was Ava. Not to credit Ava for "fixing" or "saving" him because God knows how bad it is to dump your feelings and expectations into someone's hands and hope that they don't throw them away, but she was kind to Luke in a way that he felt that he could depend on her but he didn't absolutely, one hundred percent need to just because he couldn't function without her.

He could function perfectly fine without her, but he wanted her in his life because she was the type of care he needed. Someone who would listen, care, and motivate Luke to be independent and strong because she believed in him. That's all he needed. Their friendship was healthy. It was healthy and it didn't make him feel bad about himself or as though he wasn't enough. She made him want to act different and open up the feelings that he had been hiding for so long and that, to him, meant something special.

He was one step closer than he had ever been before, and that's what mattered.

•••

was this good? i really hope so because i really liked writing this chapter. i cannot express my point here enough: there is nothing wrong with having a little help from people, but you can't count on them to heal you or something. it isn't healthy babes :-(

this is definitely a much deeper look into luke's mind about how he sees things and why he is the way he is. if i'm being honest, when i first wrote this story i kinda just wanted to have a fun little fluff fic where luke was just a complicated and mysterious boy who likes sex because he had one bad breakup in high school, but it became so much more than that. luke is a pretty heavily layered character that i didn't really expect him to become during this story but i learned a couple things and i just wanted to make this realistic. he became very complex and i really, truthfully didn't see his character developing into someone so enigmatic when they seem like they're on top of the world, but this just goes to show that people are never what they seem.

i honestly care about luke and ava so much like no offense to my other characters and books but these two different and difficult characters are honestly some of the best that i have written and i care about them so much even though they're fictional it's insane. i usually don't really grow attached (???) to the characters i make up because i just like to write but luke and ava are my parents okay i need to protect them

i also wanted to include that i originally started this story because i was tired of seeing stories where sex meant SO much and that people felt the need to put out just because they wanted to stop being a virgin and they made it out to be like "oh, if you don't have sex with someone, they're going to leave you so better do it quick" or as if being a virgin was a bad thing when it isn't. it also isn't a bad thing if you love to have sex and have is all the time whenever (as long as it's safe and consensual) because that doesn't make you a slut (i actually hate that word when it's used as a derogatory term) (i call myself a slut 1000 times a day, let's make it a good thing) but i just don't want people putting ideas in impressionable kids' minds that sex is 100% necessary

it's not

anyways rant aside lol, there's probably no one who reads my author's notes :(

BUT IF YOU HAVEN'T NOTICED I ENTERED THE WATTYS 2016!!!

i probably won't win anything since no one knows about this story because i suck but if you could vote for me on Twitter while sharing a link to my story and just adding the hashtag #MyWattysChoice or simply helping me get the story around by telling your friends to read and vote, that would mean a lot !!

i love you all.