In My Life

Chapter 16

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

What is love?

I don't know why I've been asking myself this, but I am. I mean, could Monsieur Enjolras be right? Could I be in love with... I can't even say it with a straight face. Seems insane. I couldn't possibly be in love with Montparnasse.

No.

What does Enjolras know anyways? And 'Parnasse doesn't love me either. Surely he would have told me before if that was the case.

"'Ponine?"

I turn around in a flash and spot Montparnasse staring at me with a weird look on his face. I stumble and almost fall, leaning on the doorway to Café Musain very elegantly... Okay. Maybe not so much.

"Hello," I respond, straightening my posture.

"'Hello'? Wow, you're being formal."

"I..." I clear my throat. "Hi."

"Okay, I suppose that's better. Listen, you're still coming, right?"

"What? Where?"

"That thing we talked about earlier."

I hunch my shoulders.

"What thing?"

"You know..." He nods towards his gang. "The thing."

"Oh."

He sighs.

"I suppose that's a 'no'?"

"It's a..."

I suddenly spot Marius turning the corner, talking with Cosette. I instantly flinch.

"'Ponine?" Montparnasse asks. "Are you alright?"

"It's nothing," I manage. "My knees just gave away."

"Okay." He seems unsure. "So...? Yes? No?"

Marius lifts his head up and makes eye contact with me. I quickly turn away back to Montparnasse and force a smile.

"Maybe," I answer. "It's a maybe."

"A 'maybe'? You used to beg me to come when we were young."

"Well, things change."

"Look, if it's Adam, I'll-"

"It's not Adam," I snap.

"Whoa. Okay. Sorry I mentioned his name."

I see Marius kissing Cosette goodbye on the cheek and soon he's heading up this way.

"I should go," I announce.

"Go? Go where?"

"Somewhere that's not here."

"But 'Ponine-"

"I'll see you there, alright?"

Montparnasse smiles.

"So, you're coming?"

I look back towards Cosette and roll my eyes as I see her giggling like a little girl. Marius is walking towards Café Musain, a huge smile on a his face. That must be it, I realize. Looking at them, seeing them, that's when I realized; that must be what love is.

"Earth to Eponine," Montparnasse snaps.

"Yeah," I answer, still lost in thought. "Yeah, I'll be there."

Marius walks by me, not even making eye contact as I raise my head to see him pass. I sigh.

"I've got nowhere else to go," I mumble.

"Hey, I'm here," Montparnasse says. "If you ever need anything. I'm here."

He smiles in a way I've never seen him smile before. Or maybe I've just never noticed it.

"Do you love me?" I suddenly ask.

Montparnasse is instantly taken aback.

"Love you?" he hesitates. "Love?"

I sigh.

"I know... I've been asking myself the same question. You don't need to answer. It was just a stupid question."

"Well, yeah. I care a lot about you, you know that. You're like a sister to me."

He grabs my hands and I don't pull away.

"I'll be here, 'Ponine," he tells me. "I'll be here. I am here, like I've always been. Okay?"

I nod.

"Yeah, okay."

He aproaches himself and kisses me on the forehead.

"I'll see you later, alright?"

I nod as he backs away, heading back towards his gang. I turn around to rest my back on the wall and sigh.

What is love?

I don't know. And I have a feeling that I never will.