In My Life

Chapter 15

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

Café Musain feels rather slow. It's crowed, but the students don't seem to be as excited as they normally are. Enjolras picked that up as soon as we set foot in it.

"What's wrong?" he asks.

He looks around, but no one returns his stare.

"What happened?" he tries again.

"Lamarque's dead," Courfeyrac finally answers. "Gavroche just told us."

I see Enjolras' eyes gleaming.

"He's dead?" he repeats, in disbelief.

"Out of this world, dead," Joly suggests.

"The world has lost an important man," Combeferre lets out.

"Or did it?" Enjolras mutters.

"What are you talking about, Enjolras?" Prouvaire says. "You heard them. He's gone. Lamarque is dead."

"Or is he?" Enjolras walks up to the center of the room as all eyes turn on him. "He may be physically dead, but Lamarque will live on in our hearts. He wouldn't want us weeping, mourning his death. No. He would want us out there, in the streets of Paris, fighting for what we believe in. We are not quitters. Let Paris cry his death. Let his enemies smile at his passing. But know this, Messieurs. I am not a quitter. I will not sit here moping while we have a mission to finish. Lamarque's death is the first step. I can see it. His funeral day will be the second. Now, I ask you this, mes amis: Who will be strong and stand with me?"

A pause. At first, no one dares to move, letting Enjolras' words sink in. But then a guy in the back, Feuilly I think, carefully raises his hand.

"I'm in," he lets out. "For Lamarque."

Enjolras nods slowly.

"Who else?"

"I'm in," Lesgles says. "Always."

"Count me in," Prouvaire announces.

"And you're not going anywhere without me," Courfeyrac adds.

"Or me," Combeferre points out. "I'm the brains of the operation."

"Yeah, you wish," I hear Joly say in the back.

Soon all the guys are in as Enjolras shoots me a look. I turn to look out the window and spot Marius holding hands with Cosette, walking nonchalantly down the stone path. My heart tightens in my chest. I look back at Enjolras and nod.

"I'm in," I articulate, so that only he can hear.

Thankfully, the others are too busy talking with each other to notice Enjolras staring at me. He shakes his head before coming towards me.

"No," he firmly tells me. "Absolutely not."

"You can't deny an extra helping hand," I protest.

"I can when it's a young Mademoiselle."

"I'm going and you can't stop me, Monsieur. My mind is made up and I'm pretty stubborn."

"No kidding."

"Whatever you do or say won't make me change my mind."

I walk pass him, determined to go help the other guys.

"He loves you," Enjolras suddenly calls out.

I spin around and literally want to shoot daggers at him.

"What did you just say?"

"He loves you," he repeats.

"No. No, he doesn't. He's all caught up with Cosette."

Enjolras gives a hint of a smile.

"Mademoiselle, I'm not talking about Marius."

"Then who-?" And then it dawns on me. "Wait. Are you talking about Montparnasse?"

"Open your eyes for once in your life and you'll see what has been in front of you for all this time."

And with that, Enjolras slowly walks pass me, heading out to join his friends. I rush to him and grab him firmly by the arm.

"Mademoiselle," he starts.

"How would you know?"

I look at him in the eyes, trying to find out if he's telling me the truth.

"How would you know?" I ask again, less harshly.

He grabs my hand and gently removes it from his arm.

"I know, Mademoiselle," he starts, "because I don't love him back."

And with that he's off again, but this time I don't follow him. I'm just standing here, completely frozen in shock.

Love him back? How could I love him back? That's absurd. Besides, I don't even know what love is.