In My Life

Chapter 10

CHAPTER TEN

Have you ever wondered if you belonged somewhere? I do. All the time. And the answer has always been the same; no. No, I don't belong anywhere.

I've never felt at home anywhere. Certainly not at Papa's inn. Not in the streets. Not at Montparnasse's. Nowhere. I just feel out of place everywhere I go. And now, sitting down on an actual comfortable bed, I feel as much out of place as I've ever been.

"Are you okay?"

I look up and spot Marius standing in the doorway. He's smiling and I don't know why. It's kind of weird look, actually. Maybe a little bit disturbing. It's like too much happiness for no reason.

"I'm fine," I reply. "Never been better."

"Now that worries me," he says, coming to sit down next to me.

I subtly move to the side so that enough room is separating him from me.

"It's called sarcasm, Monsieur."

A gust of wind suddenly blows the window open and I shiver as the cool night air enters the room. Marius rushes to close it back up.

"Sorry," he says. "It doesn't close well."

"Fix it, maybe?"

"I need to replace it. And I don't have the money."

I look at him sceptically, staring him down. I raise my eyebrow.

"It's complicated," he adds, catching my stare.

"Pretending to be poor?" I notice.

He tries to hide a laugh.

"That obvious?"

"No young man I know wears the clothes you have."

"Look, I just don't want to be a spoiled rich kid asking for everything and getting it all. Money is meant to be earned, not blindly spent."

I point at the painting hanging over the bed.

"How about that?" I ask.

"A gift," he answers. "From my grandfather. Before..." He pauses. "Before he turned his back on me."

"I know the feeling..." I mutter.

He ignores my comment, or maybe he just didn't hear it.

"Well, maybe I was the first to turn my back on him... I don't know. We just grew apart."

And then he looks at me in a way I honestly cannot describe. It's like a mix of pain, relief, sadness, joy and anger mixed all at once.

"How were you able to do it?" he asks.

"Do what?"

"Stay there, with your Papa, while he was doing this to you."

He gestures towards, well, my whole body and I instinctively shrink back.

"I didn't have a choice," I reply, taking a deep breath. "I just didn't have a choice..."

"So you just stayed there? Without doing anything?"

"What could I do, Monsieur? I couldn't do anything." My voice breaks. "Nothing at all..."

He sits back down on the bed, but keeps his distance.

"And you didn't tell anyone?" he continues.

"What was I supposed to say? You don't know what it's like in my part of town. Things happen, you know, but people just don't care for people other than themselves."

"How about your friend, Montparnasse?"

"That's different... He's like a brother to me."

"Well, Mademoiselle Eponine, I can't offer you that strong of a bond just yet, but how about a place to stay until we sort things out?"

I look at him incredulously.

"You'd let me stay here? With you?"

"You didn't think I was going to let you sleep in the streets, did you?"

"I was counting it in my options..."

"Well remove it! God, Mademoiselle, I have a heart! I'm not going to leave you outside alone."

I look to the ground.

"Not many people still have one," I mumble under my breath.

"Okay, how about I let you get a good night's rest. I'll talk to you tomorrow, alright?"

He gets up to leave as I quickly push myself up as well.

"Wait, Monsieur. Where am I supposed to sleep?"

"Well, on the bed, Mademoiselle."

"Then how about...?"

"Me?" he finishes. "Oh, I'll be fine. Don't you worry. Now, have a good night's sleep."

"I haven't had a good night's sleep in ages..."

"Then now's a good time to start," he replies. "Goodnight, Mademoiselle Eponine."

He closes the door behind him before I have time to respond. I look at the closed door in shock. He's actually letting me sleep in here? In a private room? With a bed that isn't half eaten by termites? I can't believe it.

I walk back towards the bed and slip under the covers. It smells nice, actually. Fresh. Clean. I close my eyes and, for the first time in a long while, I actually feel safe.

"Goodnight, Monsieur," I whisper before falling into a deep sleep.