Crossroads, A Jian Story || Book Two • HIATUS •

4.

Kian woke up feeling better. At least, compared to the hellhole he's been waking up to lately.

Jc took the liberty to move all of his stuff back in and let Kian sleep, because an unconscious Kian was a Kian that couldn't protest.

Kian wondered downstairs in search of food, thinking about how Jc thought that this made everything instantly better.

"Well," Kian thought bitterly. "It doesn't. I want to forgive him but I can't."

An: italics don't work on my phone, like I've said they never have, so thoughts will be in quotes too, but I'll specify what's being said and what's not. Enjoy!

Speak of the devil.

"Kian!" Jc called from the couch, where he was watching some Netflix show. He was energetic, like a kid on the first day of school.

IM STRESSED AF FOR THE FIRST DAY TBFH. like I enjoy school because I get to see friends (my 5 friends) and stuff, but the first day always stresses me and especially now because I don't know where anything is.

Kian grabbed a banana and sat down beside him warily, keeping some distance between them. He wasn't ready to one hundred percent forgive Jc, and it's not like all of Kian's problems are solved either. He still gets faced with tons of hate each day, and it's slowly starting to drown out the positive.

Jc scooted over beside Kian and wrapped an arm around him, oblivious to how tense Kian was. He finally looked over at Kian, who had a blank face and was slightly hunched over, so that the arm Jc hung around his neck didn't touch him. To avoid moving, Kian sat there with the banana in his hand, not wanting to eat it.

"Are you just gonna sit there and stare at it?" Jc laughed, gesturing towards the banana. Kian gave him the same blank look and mumbled something incoherent.

"What?" Jc questioned. Kian spoke up this time, wearing the same face that gave nothing away.

"I'm just a bit uncomfortable." He said quietly, glancing at Jc's arm. Jc quickly withdrew it, then scooted away from the taller boy. "Clearly," he thought, "Kian hasn't forgiven me."

Kian stretched slightly and then bit into his banana. He kept stealing glances at Jc, trying his best to ignore the awkward tension in the room.

"You haven't forgiven me, have you?" Jc voiced his thoughts, looking casually at Kian. Kian swallowed his breakfast thoughtfully, thinking of the best response. He didn't want to hurt Jc's feelings, but he did want to be clear about how he felt.

"No," he said slowly, studying Jc. But the curly haired boy's expression didn't change. He continued, "I don't think I'll be able to for a long time." He stated honestly, hoping that Jc wouldn't be mad at him. But Jc only nodded slightly, which flooded relief into Kian's body.

"I just don't know what I can do to make you forgive me." Jc sighed in frustration. How could he make it up to the stubborn boy? He tried being honest and talking about it, but Kian stormed out. He posted this video, and Kian still isn't satisfied. He was growing more frustrated as the minutes went by. "I mean, this whole coming out thing isn't so bad. I don't know why you throw such a fit-"

"Exactly, Jc. You don't know. You'll never get it." Kian interrupted, exasperated. Apparently Jc wasn't the only frustrated one. Kian pulled out his phone and opened his latest video, showing it to Jc. He read the top comments out loud.

"What a waste. Such a hot face turned out to be some gay faggot. #MakeKianStraight." He scrolled through a few more hateful ones, looking for the worst of the worst. "I feel so bad for Andrea, she dated this fucked up fag. And everyone thought she was the bitch." His eyes teared up as he read through more. "What a fucking wannabe, probably made this video for views because nobody watches his horrible videos. Fake ass gay loser." Finally, after a few more, he threw his phone down in frustration. He always thought he had these committed fans, but #MakeKianStraight is the most trending hashtag? But almost all of his fans turned their backs on him once they realized that they didn't have a chance.

Jc stared at the blinking phone screen in disbelief as more notifications popped up, most of them Dm's from random "fans" hating on him even more. He looked up when Kian's tears dropped on the screen.

"Kian-"

"No! You'll never get it, Jc, I'm just as alone as before! But how can I blame you for not getting hate? I can't! I can only blame myself, I can only hate me.." He trailed off and then fled to the bathroom, where he proceeded to wash his face. He told himself that he wouldn't cry anymore, but it seems he's been doing it more and more lately.

Jc got up and knocked on the bathroom door. When Kian didn't open it, he sat outside the door and waited for him.

"Kian.. I know I'll never understand what you're going through, and I.. I just want you to know that you're not alone. I'll always be here." He offered quietly. But he knew deep down that he would never understand what Kian's going through, what it felt like to be hated by the world. To lose everything because of one video.

Kian sniffed from the other side of the door and spoke up, voice trembling. "Just.. To hear Connor say that I was fine.." He spoke like he was in a trance, or like he hadn't heard a word that Jc said to him. "When I'm not fine. I'm so fucking hurt and nobody sees it, or nobody cares." His voice wavered in pitch, and Jc wanted nothing more than to hug his Ki in that moment, but he knew that Kian wasn't ready to embrace him like he used to. That, or his feelings were gone completely.

"Kian.." Jc trailed off, not knowing what to say. He could promise a thousand times to always be here, but he knew he wouldn't be, he couldn't be. He would never understand. So, he tried a different way.

"I know I'll never understand what you're going through. I'll never get the amount of hate you get, and I'll never experience the world hating me. I'll never know what it's like for everyone to think you're fine, when you're really not. You're really dying inside." Jc paused, waiting for Kian to speak. But he was met with silence, so he continued. "But I can promise you that I will always be here, and I will always listen. I'll try my best to get where you're coming from, and I promise that I will always try to make you the happy Ki that I love." Jc finished, almost in tears himself. He waited in suspense for Kian's response, and was shocked when he heard the door unlock.

Just as he was about to stand up and hug Kian, he was tackled to the floor by the taller boy, and he could feel Kian's hot tears through his shirt. But he didn't care, as long as he had the boy along with the tears.

"I love you." Kian cried into Jc's shoulder, and Jc just held him like that for awhile, the two of them on the floor. Jc was almost afraid to move because the moment would he ruined.

"I love you too, Kian." Jc finally answered, pulling away slightly so that he could see Kian's tear stained face. He wiped away the remaining tears and kissed his nose, making a small smile appear on the other boys face. Jc also noticed, lately, that Kian didn't express too much emotion like he used to.

"I promise I'll always be here, and we can tackle this thing together." Jc said confidently, making Kian's smile grow. Kian quickly buried his face in Jc's shoulder again.

"Or I'll die trying." He muttered to himself, but Jc heard. But he could only hold the boy tighter, as if he could squeeze the horrible thoughts out of his mind.

•••

1372.

-ColorMeJian