I Need You (Yoonmin)

{11}

Jimin's POV

I was finally able to leave the campus for 24 hours, but it was on Saturday, and that my mom and dad's date night, and they said that the next time I'm allowed to leave I can hang out with them, but that means this pass is going to waste, so I decided on the person I've been wanting to hang out with outside of the hospital.

"Yoongi I'm allowed to leave for 24 hours but my mom and dad don't exactly want to me to come home tomorrow so would you mind if I stayed with you instead"?

"Oh my god Jimin are you serious?! You're actually allowed to leave?! We could go out to eat instead of me bringing food! When can I pick you up"?!

I smiled at how excited he sounded. Sometimes I actually thought he didn't want to be with me, or that he regretted asking to be my boyfriend, but then these things happen and it makes me think he actually wants to be with me.

"At eleven tomorrow is when I'm allowed to leave".

"I promise I'll be there. Oh and how come you were able to call me right now? You normally aren't allowed to call till six".

"They allowed me to call somebody to ask them if I could come back, so I called my mom and then they told me no so I asked if I could call you".

"Jimin you need to get off the phone. You can have a conversation when it's phone call time. You need to get back to the group, you're about to go to lunch".

I nodded at my staff before telling Yoongi that I had to go, then getting off.

I walked back to the living room of our unit before sitting on the floor.

Even though I've been here for a little over a month I didn't talk to anybody. I'm here to get better, not make friends.

"Can someone tell me one coping skill that helps you with self harm".

From there I completely tuned out. I've been in two hospitals, I know all of the coping skills. I just never tried them.

The moment I've got out of the hospitals the first thing I did was make up for lost time by completely destroying my arm, which I now kind of regret even though I do want to do it again, but I have to keep reminding myself of the promise I made to Yoongi.

I promised him that I wouldn't ever try to kill myself or self harm again. I promised him that if I ever felt the need to I would instantly call him.

In return he promised me that he would always stay by my side until I wanted him to leave, even if we break up.

I hated that I was so into him. I hated that when he first kissed me I felt nothing but overwhelming happiness, and I hate that every time he kisses me now I feel like I wanted nothing more than him. Everything I've ever wanted was replaced by Yoongi.

I knew a healthy relationship wasn't needing that person in your life, it was wanting them, but I just couldn't help it. I don't think if Yoongi were to leave me I would lose it again, because even if he broke up with me I'll always keep his promise of never hurting myself or attempting suicide again, but the idea of him no longer being in my life makes me want to curl up in a ball and just cry until I couldn't anymore.

It's sickening to me to feel this strongly about him. I don't want to like him. I want to break up with him and forget all about the time we've spent together, but I also want to wake up to him everyday and kiss him until we're out of breath.

I hate him for making me feel this way.

But I like him so much for making me fall so hard for him.

He's been nothing but caring and understanding through this whole thing.

He doesn't pressure me into anything and he's always telling me how good I look even when I don't have makeup on, considering he's never seen me without makeup until I got admitted here.

The day continued on after that, going to lunch, going to my classes, taking a nap, going to dinner, taking a shower, having phone call time where Yoongi told me all of the things that we'll do tomorrow, and then going to sleep.

That's how my day normally goes. I don't call my mom anymore, I'm still angry at her for admitting me here. I could've easily managed with a therapist but she insisted that I'm a danger to myself at home. My dad told me to man up the fist time I attempted so I quickly stopped talking to him.

I didn't use to hold grudges, I use to be a really happy person, I always laughed, I always smiled, which Yoongi told me how cute my smile was, but suddenly I didn't even have the motivation to even get out of bed to take a shower.

I don't think it was the hate I get at school, I think it just was the overwhelming thought process that I'm not worth it. That nothing I've ever done was worth it. That I wasn't worth it.

I woke up the next day from staff telling me and my roommate it was time to get meds.

I didn't want to be in a boys unit, I wish there was a combined unit of both sexes but unfortunately since this is a long term the think that the boys and girls will quickly fall for each other, but they didn't stop and think about people being gay.

Like Jackson and Mark are all over each other, Jackson is my roommate so sometimes he asks me to hide under Mark's sheets so the staff thinks it's him while Mark sneaks into my room and him and Jackson do whatever they do together. I personally don't really want to know, as long as they aren't using my bed I'm cool with it.

Me and Mark were trying to switch rooms with each other, him using the excuse that Jackson couldn't calm down without him and his roommate, Jinyoung, telling the staff that me and him get along just fine so it doesn't matter to him. The staff were currently working on it, which I found kind of unsettling. Jackson is the only one I was kind of comfortable around. He just had this way with people, while Jinyoung was a savage and I'm not about that life.

Before I knew it I was putting on makeup to get ready for today with Yoongi, then leaving the unit with my staff to go to the front.

On the way I was a little on edge, Yoongi had told me that his parents wanted to meet me, I didn't want to disappoint them by not being what the wanted, and I also didn't want to disappoint Yoongi for my crazy behavior, but when we got there and I saw Yoongi's face.

It made everything totally worth it.