You're Not Alone

Death would be welcomed

Peter had been in bed for a few days, no engery to do anything but sleep. Lauren had been taking care of him, which he appreciated but he wanted his parents, and wade. Peter sighed and rolled over to face the window, he could see Lauren outside with the two kids, playing some sort of game. Peter wished he could be outside, playing along with the kids, feeling the wind in his hair. He knew he'd be out of bed eventually but it felt like he had been in bed forever. Peter grabbed his phone off the bedside table and checked it again for any messages, he had a few from gwen and MJ but none from wade. The week was almost up and Peter hadn't heard from wade at all, something was definitely wrong. Peter sat up in bed slowly, assessing his injuries. He was mostly healed, just a little sore. Peter swung his legs over the bed and gingerly walked to the bathroom, he needed a shower.

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"So, why are you here?" A man spoke grabbing wades attention, wade had been staring at the ceiling, the only thing he could do. "Cancer" wade replied, looking across the room to see the man, who was also tied to a table. The man nodded, "same" the man replied, "then you must got someone you wanna go back to?" Wade said after a moment, he had nothing else to do but small talk, he hadn't talked to anyone in days, besides Francis, yeah Francis was the douche's name. "Wife, kids" the man replied "you?" Wade thought for a moment, on what he should say. Anyone could be listening "boyfriend" wade said after a moment of listening, him and the man were alone. "I miss making pancakes for my kids" the man whispered, "pancakes are P's  favourite" wade laughed lightly, he may be alone with the man but he didn't want to give peters name away.

"Hello boys, getting friendly I see" Francis, stupid ugly Francis. Wade didn't answer, neither did the man across the room. "No? How boring. Wheel him out" Francis said to his stupidly strong side kick "where's he going" wade asked, as the other man was wheeled out "none of your concern" Francis smiled before turning to leave "I'd like to know, Francis" wade smirked Causing the other man to turn around. "What did you say?" He asked, voice deeper. "Fran-cis! That's your name isn't it? I ripped it off your coat when you weren't looking, probably should take better care" wade giggled. Francis walked closer to wade before punching him. "You think that's funny? Well where you're going people have trouble coming out with their sense of humour, or well... Coming out alive ever." Francis smirked, wade did his best to shrug "we'll see about that, you see with round the clock torture, it's hard to step it up from that" Francis smirked at wades comment, grabbing the end of his bed he wheeled him out of his little area of the building, leading him to a closed door. "You're gonna wish we killed you" Francis said opening the door and wheeling wade in. "You're gonna wish you died at home, you're gonna wish you stayed with Peter and spent your last year or so with him" Francis smirked at the last part, causing wade to snap his head up "what did you just say?" Wade said, anger clear in his voice. "I'm going to guess you're angry because I know about Peter?" Francis asked like it was no big deal. "Don't worry, I'm not going to hurt him, avengers son and all, I don't need that in my life. But if you don't do as I say I wouldn't be too upset sending a few, or a lot of my own after poor Peter Parker" Francis was laughing loudly now, he knew he struck a chord within wade, who was furious, no one threatens his Peter without dying, but wade couldn't do anything, but once he could that son of a bitch was going to die in the most gruesome of ways, too bad the son of a bitch can't feel pain. "You ever speak his name again and I will kill you" wade said, voice serious. Francis just nodded, still smiling like an idiot. "If you make it out of this alive, I'll let you kill me" Francis laughed again "I'm going to turn that pretty face so ugly, not even Peter will be able to love you"

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"Dudes it's been like a week, where's wade?" Peter asked weasel through the phone. Peter couldn't take it anymore, he needed wade and he knew weasel wasn't telling him something "listen kid-" "don't you listen kid me, wades my boyfriend and I... I love him okay I need him back and you know something and you're not telling me." Peter said, frustrated. He heard weasel sigh, Peter sat on his bed in Lauren's house, his hair still wet from his shower, his parents had come and dropped off some of peters belongings when he was asleep, Peter wished they had woken him up. "Fine, wade he told me something, before he left" weasel said causing Peter to sit up "what did he say?" Peter said, pulling at a strand of his hair that was covering his face, he needed to get a hair cut too. "I don't know, if you knew... But wade has cancer and some strange ass dude offered to cure him. Wade wasn't going to do it, I don't know what changed his mind but he just disappeared, he left me a note at my bar.... He said uh, if he doesn't come back in a week he's probably dead" weasel finished. A moment of silence passed before Peter hung up on weasel, he didn't want weasel to hear him cry. Peter was distressed, as he closed his eyes he felt his tears slowly run down his face, brick by brick his walls came tumbling down, there was a rawness to it, like the pain was an open wound, Peter clasped onto something for support, anything, his whole body shook. The sobs were stifled at first as Peter attempted to hide his grief, then overcome by the wave of emotions he broke down entirely. As much as he tried to hold it in, the pain came out like an uproar from his throat in the form of a silent scream. Wade can't be gone, he couldn't be. Peter hugged his knees to his chest and Hid his head away from the world. Peter had lost everything, he had lost his birth parents, his uncle and auntie and now wade, he had basically lost his new parents too, his new family. He never saw them anymore, it's been months since they've spent time together, it was tearing him apart. Peter wasn't just grieving wade, he was grieving his new family too and everyone else who had left him, but wade was something special, wade brought out a side in Peter he never saw in himself, wade believed in Peter, treated him as an equal, he loved Peter and Peter loved wade too, everyone treated Peter like a child, a fragile glass doll that was held together by dollar store glue, his past was no secret, everyone knew his trauma, Peter wished they didn't, he wished people wouldn't Dance around him but they do, all the time. The avengers, people in school, everyone, but wade didn't. Wade knew what it was like to love and to lose everything within the same day, wade knew because wade was broken too, but now he's gone and Peter was broken even more, the glass doll that he once was was now broken shards on the floor once again. He had nothing, nothing more to lose, the pain Peter felt was unbearable, he really had no one anymore, Peter felt an emptiness in his heart, a shear of nothingness that somehow took over and held his soul and threatened to kill him entirely. It gave him this heavy feeling like the weight of the world is resting on his shoulders and there's nothing he can do to get out from under it. It's like this hole in his heart that is the shape of the one he lost and that makes him feel the need to wipe away any non existent tears that he wanted to form but can't, he can't cry anymore, he's done. The loss of wade has brought forward everything he's lost, all the feelings he's bottled up, in fear of being made fun of, he can't anymore. Wade had taken away his strength.

Peters whole life had been... Heavy. That was the only way to describe it. He always felt like he could have done more, or it was always his fault. He didn't want to deal with any of this anymore, Peter felt like he had nothing, no one left, and if he left people wouldn't mind all that much, sure he knew if he died Steve and tony and maybe a few other people would be upset but soon enough they'd get a new mission and they would have to leave again, the memory of Peter forgotten. Peter just wanted to be with wade. Peter looked around the room, all his medical machinery, his pills and injection everything. He was such a hassle to poor Lauren, Jesus Christ that woman is pregnant and has two children already why should she be responsible for Peter too? Peter suddenly felt guilty, he was causing so much hassle for Lauren, and all this machinery and care must have cost a lot. Peter thought it would be better if he just... Left, everyone Including himself would be better. Peter never thought of himself as depressed or suicial, he didn't even know if what he felt was depression or just sever grief, but he knew he was having suicidal thoughts. Maybe he is depressed, maybe he always has been, just been hiding it deep down, if that's even possible. Peter didn't want to self diagnose himself, he just wanted to sleep, and never wake up. What Peter knew about Depression is that it's the unseen, unheard, silent killer. It's the pain that's too much to cope with, too hard to deal with and so misunderstood. You can't escape it no matter how hard you try, because it follows you around like a black shadow that's on the inside, eating you. And that's how he felt, he had always been running, running from something inside himself.
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Tony and Steve called Peter daily but he never answered, they even tried calling Lauren and making her put Peter on the phone but he always pretended to sleep, he didn't want to talk to them, if he distances himself now, maybe it won't hurt them as much when he dies.

"Lauren, what's wrong with Peter?" Steve asked through the computer screen, it was half eleven at night so the children were asleep. "I don't know Steve, he's all healed now, I've been giving him that purple stuff and the tubes empty now, he should be up and running" Lauren said with a shrug, Steve sighed. "Has he gotten out of bed? At all?" Tony asked, worry clear in his voice, Lauren frowned "to use the bathroom but that's about it, he's lost interest in everything besides sleep, he hasn't been eating much anymore either, when I do see him up, he's really skinny" Lauren answered, she was worried for the young boy, she didn't know what to do. "Anything else?" Bruce asked, speaking up for the first time in their Skype call "anything not normal?" He continued, earning a confused look from the rest of the avengers, Lauren shrugged before speaking again "he just seems to have no energy, he can't really concentrate on anything, and he's way more irritable then he was when he first got here" Bruce sighed "what?" Steve asked, confused and worried for his son "I think peters depressed" Bruce said, "no, no he can't. Why?" Tony asked, looking around for answers "does he miss us that much..?" Clint asked from behind Steve "em..." Lauren started but cut herself off "what?" Tony asked, now fully worried and scared. "He told me not to tell you but maybe he broke up with him or something....he um, he told me he had a boyfriend, maybe they broke up?" Lauren asked, she was now really worried for Peter too. "WHAT" tony shouted. "Tony listen-" "no Steve you listen, our baby boy is hurt and most likely depressed and he had a boyfriend but he didn't think he could trust us to tell us-" "I don't think he doesn't trust us-" "we're turning back, we're following an empty trail anyway. Peter needs us!" "We can't-" "Clint turn this motherfuc-" "language!" Tony and Steve argued till tony won and they turned around, heading to Peter, Peter was their main priority right now, they were parents and sometimes they forgot that, they're new to this, jumping into parent hood with a teenager, but they needed to go to Peter, they needed to be there for him.

A/N hey guys sorry again for not updating got busy, listen depression and suicide isn't to be joked about and if you're feeling the same way as Peter here you should get help immediately, you may feel hopeless and alone but you are not'
! You're needed and you're special and we love you okay? If you ever need to talk I'm always open to talk, but please if you feel that way get help. We love you xx