Holding Onto the Thought of You (Sequel)

Chapter 3

As Josh was driving my mind had already began buzzing with thoughts.

I had never been to his house before.
My first time going to his house, and I was dead.

What was Josh thinking?

He probably wanted to be left alone?
He probably wanted to move on?
This was all getting too weird.
I was supposed to be dead.
I am dead.

But he could see me.

Weird.

'Josh' I said quietly

He turned to me, 'Yeah?'

'Is this as weird for you as it is for me? I'm sitting here in a blind panic because I've never been to your house before?'

Josh began to howl with laughter.

'Ty, this whole situation is a mess and that's what's concerning you?'

If blood still ran through my veins I'm pretty sure by this stage it would have rushed straight to my cheeks.

'Tyler' he said

I looked up.

'This is an absolute miracle that I can see you, because honestly, I didn't think I could cope with you being gone. Everything just seemed bleaker. So this may be weird but I'll take weird in abundance to have you here with me'

I smiled, my stomach fluttering.

----

We approached a small, two storey house with a red door.

'Hey Mom' called Josh as we walked inside.
'Josh?' Yelled a woman from upstairs.

A small woman with a gentle face came down the stairs immediately, her arms outstretched.
'Oh Josh' she said
'How did it go?'

'Okay, I guess' he replied staring at me.
'Was Mel and the rest there to support you?' She asked
'Yeah they were there too. It's all hit them really hard having to bury Troye' he said,
'And Ty.'

His voice cracked at my name with uncertainty and emotion.

'I was just about to make something to eat' the kind woman said,
'Can I get you anything?'

Josh's deep brown eyes stared directly into mine as she spoke

'I think I may just go up to bed. Lie down for a bit' he replied
'That's okay' she said, 'Please yell if you need anything though'
'Thanks mom' he said placing a peck on her cheek.

----

As Josh closed the door I looked around.

His room was dark and cosy.

Comic books and controllers scattered across the floor.
An unmade bed, with different shirts and jackets thrown across it.

I loved it.

'My room, ehh, it's a bit of a mess' he said chuckling, rubbing the back of his neck.
'I love it' I replied quietly,

It was small enough that more than one person in it felt squashed, but I loved it all the same.

'It feels like home' I said.

---

I sat on his bed not knowing exactly what to do.

'So' he said as he made his way over to me.
He stared at me for a while before he began talking.
'Wh-What's it like?' He said

'What?' I said, 'Being dead?' I started to laugh.
'Yeah' he said with a low chuckle

'Well it's weird' I said 'Being able to see everyone and them not being able to see me, it's kind of frustrating. But everything feels nice here, it's always, I'm not sure how to explain it' I said looking around me, as if the answer would appear in Josh's room
'Warm?'

'I never feel scared and I can see different colours around people and things. It's actually kinda cool'

His eyes were transfixed on me hanging onto my every word.

The light red colour that clung around his figure reminded me.

'Josh' I said

'Yes?'

'Why did you let the colour in your hair fade?' I asked

He smiled faintly.

'Do you know your the only one who's acknowledged that?'

Oh.

'Well' he said,

'After I'd thought that I'd never see yo-'
His voice cracked, tears began to form along his waterline, teetering on the brink of falling off.

I sat closer to him, wrapping my arms around him.

'When I thought I would never see you again' he continued, 'The minute I knew that you had died, I felt like I was in a black and white movie, like every ounce of colour had been drained from the world. Colour didn't seem appropriate, so I let it go'

'The idea of living in a world without you.' He said, 'Doesn't seem like a world worth living in'

I stared at him. I loved this boy so much. Nothing, not even death, could stop me from loving him beyond comparison.
He was so beautiful.

I stared at him, taking in every feature, every aspect of his physical appearance as we sat there together in silence.

I stared at his hair. His eyes. His cheeks which had little creases from smiling and laughing. His cute nose. His lips. His beautiful full lips.

'I love you so much Josh' I said

He smiled before slowly leaning in and kissing my lips.