◈ Magnus X Alec One Shots ◈ Malec ◈

Aku Cinta Kamu

Aku Cinta Kamu, Alec. Goodbye.

Alec, aged twenty-eight, lay in the casket before me. I had paid for a mundane funeral, his wishes, and I felt the hatred suffocated me from all sides. Shadowhunters had come from across the world to watch as I buried the man I loved in a way that made him a traitor.

But, he had asked for it and I would never deny his wishes. The shadowhunters stood behind me, his family on the first line and guests on the next. I felt the first tear hit my cheek before the flood rolled in.

I could feel the emptiness creeping in. I could feel that black hole that had dragged me in too many time. I felt the drag of death and I couldn't help but want to comply to those suicidal thoughts. I was immortal but that doesn't save you from death- every man should die at some point and maybe it was just my time.

I felt nothing but grief. Over my years as a warlock, I had lost so many important people in my life but this was worse. This was so much worse.

I felt a taught hand on my shoulder, reminding me to get out of this itching suits and back into one of Alec's jumpers. I couldn't find it within me to throw them away- even though he had gone over a month ago.

I turned around to see Jace, tears falling in just a heavy stream as mine. His parabatai rune was only a faded, white scar. He had left his mark and I yearned to have a mark left on me- a physical one. He had left his mark on all of us, though. Mentally, at least. 

I would never forget my Alexander, my partner, my love. I would love him for eternity- no matter how long that was.

I couldn't forgive myself. That was why I felt so empty. It wasn't a battle that had caused his death- it was me. It was my failure. It was my failure to treat the poison that had seeped into his blood by a vengeful warlock. One that only killed him because of me.

I failed in the moment he really needed me. I had deluded myself that I would only have to save him once in my immortal life and I had let go. Letting go had only caused pain. I gave up on the man I love and I would never forgive myself. I gave him so much...but I hadn't given him my all.

Through everything, we stayed at the other's side. No matter what happened now, I knew he would always be by my side. He would always be in my heart.

I looked in my pocket and took out the phial- the phial that would make me mortal along with him. 

The coffin lowered.

Maybe I will join him.

It hit the ground with a deafening thud.

I let a crazed smile creep onto my face.

The first of the mud was flung in carelessly.

Aku Cinta Kamu, Alec.

Goodbye.

For now,

Because...

I will join you soon enough.

word count: 251

edit 1 - 21.02.17 - new word count - 517