Catching Tatum

Chapter 11

I PUT MY HEAD in my hands and felt my dreads snake their way over my shoulders. Like a mother hen, my mom wrapped me up in her arms, pulling me into her warmth and protection.

"Can't you just tell me?" I asked.

"It'll be OK. He needs to be the one to tell you, though. Trust me, this is his to tell."

My life flashed in front of my eyes, and I realized there really wasn't much of one to see. I wasn't a mother nurturing kids, or a soldier proudly serving my country, or even a therapist or trainer. I was aimless. I spent the last couple years doing nothing but lazing around a gym and a ball field with no ambitions. I was waiting, had been waiting, for a reason to start living my life, like I had to have a reason to really live. And now I may not be able to live at all. I prayed to God it wasn't what I thought it was. It had to be something different ... just had to be, but what?

Waiting to find out what was going on with Cole was pure torture. There was a game the next night at the park and, sure enough, our new star catcher was there, obviously waiting for me when I arrived.

"Hey!" he said, smiling and running over as soon as he saw me come in the gate.

I nodded, suspicion and hate boiling inside.

"So ... you know?"

"That you talked to my parents? That you went behind my back to get to me? Yeah, I know. Just tell me what you have to say."

He looked somber, sorry. "Not here, please. Give me at least that much. I won't try anything. I need to explain. Let me take you to breakfast tomorrow."

"I work, remember?" I said flatly.

"Lunch?"

"Can't you just say it?"

"No." He shook his head. "I can't." He looked down, ashamed.

Whatever it was, it was bad.

"We leave at three."

"I'm off at one."

"That'll work; we don't have to be here until two-thirty. How about that park up the road from the field? I'll bring subs. See you there a little after one, then? They didn't tell you anything?" he asked.

"No." I shook my head. "Said it was yours to tell."

He nodded, resigned. It looked to me like he was almost hoping they would have told me. I wouldn't doubt it; it had to be hard to break that kind of news. He was off his game that night. I knew it was because of me, because of what he had to say.

The morning dragged like a ball and chain at my feet. I didn't want to but I couldn't wait to hear what Cole had to say. At least if it was something as bad as I suspected I would know and could decide what to do with the information once I had it. The park we met at was covered in big alder trees, and under almost every one of them was a metal picnic bench. I would never admit it to Cole but it was one of my favorite parks in the city because of the cemetery beside it. I liked to walk through it, see names, read epitaphs, think about people I had never known in life. There was one especially sad tombstone of a girl who was only seventeen. It said simply "Gone too soon" and it reminded me of my mom's teaching to capture memories. I wondered if that girl had made enough memories. Maybe her time was done; maybe she wasn't gone too soon but gone when her time was up, her shelves filled. Did she go to heaven? What was after ... this? Would I go to heaven? Was Cole about to give me my death sentence?

He was waiting when I got there. He was sitting at one of the tables, facing the parking lot, and waved when he saw me park my car. I sighed deeply.