Catching Tatum

Chapter 3

OH, HOW DIFFERENT my life would be if I did things the way my parents wanted, but that's not the road I traveled by, and I can't go back to the way it was before. Not only did Cole take a chunk of my heart and soul, he took my virginity, too. I fell in love with him fast and I loved him hard from the beginning. I gave him everything I was but my love was wasted; my heart, soul and body given with nothing in return. That's regret. I hate regret. I still regret it.

Because of him I finally understood exactly what my dad meant by guarding my heart. I never took the time to decide on my rules so when Cole came along, I played the game by his rules. I don't know what came over me, all my common sense, all the pep talks with my parents about what a good guy would look like and act like, all the caution from friends at school, and my brothers, that he was a player ... none of it mattered; something about him made me feel alive in a way I had never felt before. I was addicted to the feelings he gave me. I convinced myself it was love at first sight, I really did. It was definitely lust. He was a creature of beauty and I was a connoisseur of beautiful people by then.

I was always attracted to and awed by beautiful people, male or female, from the time I was very young. In fact, I hold memories of some of the most beautiful faces and forms I've ever seen. I enjoy beauty and I can't help but stare at attractive people, drink them in like sweet tea on the hottest day of a North Carolina summer. I actually feel good looking at a stunning human forms. In my opinion, there aren't too many truly beautiful people on the planet, but they're all the same and they get me every time; whether tall or short, they're perfectly proportionate with fit, cut bodies. It's all about the proportions in my mind, not too skinny—that's disgusting—but not too big either— that's poor health. Eyes, nose, ears, mouth, Fibonacci perfect and smooth. A beautiful form is a proportionate one from head to toe. Color; eye color, hair color, skin color doesn't matter, proportions do.

For the record—I wouldn't say that I was beautiful, although my body, proportionate as it was from growing up in a family where fitness was a priority, fit the bill a little better than my face ever did. There was no more stuffing bras after my boobs decided to go from a B cup to a D cup the summer between my ninth grade and sophomore years, but my face was too unique to be beautiful. I had a strong, dimpled chin, and my eyes were set in a little bit too much to be one of the truly beautiful people on the planet. And, of course, there's my scar, but I got enough attention the way I looked as it was.

Cole was one of the beautiful people, head to toe, front to back, absolutely gorgeous. Our first meeting was a complete accident. I bumped into him because I was fixing the strap of my backpack and not watching where I was going in the hall at school. I slammed right into him; face first, on my way to second period. "Oh, sorry," I muttered and meant to walk on but he caught me in his hands, and his big hazel eyes held me there. I was lost in them and in his grip. They took my breath away, pierced me, reached in and stole a piece of my soul right then and there before I had a chance to beg for mercy.

"Whoa there, beautiful! You OK?" He grinned, holding me at arm's length, smiling, perfect teeth white and gleaming, lips so luscious I leaned in and kissed them before he could stop me. He kissed me right back, too. He was a full on kisser, no pecking or nibbling. Our lips collided and our tongues found each other with an incredible fury and passion. I was a frenzy of emotion. I had to know how he tasted, and apparently he did too because there was no resistance, only reciprocation.

When my senses returned, I pulled back, sucked the air in around me with a raised eyebrow in his direction, and felt light and heavy all at once. I had to save the memory; that one, I was sure, was going to be relived often. I looked at him a second longer, then sucked in my lips before speaking. "Sorry, I had to do that before I knew if you had a girlfriend in case I never had the chance again ..." I raised my eyebrows. He stood there smirking, staring, stunned, and silent. I didn't know what else to say so I tucked my head down, side-stepped him, and walked on, but looked back over my left shoulder in case he was looking so he would see my good side. Yep, he was staring at me! My breath came and went again.