To Be or Not to Be | hamilton

twenty-four : john

{burnt-letters there you go,,,,,,, congrats on 200,,,,,}
{GUESS WHO LOST HIS GLASSES LMAO}

John couldn't believe it.

His boyfriend was right there in front of him, dying.

As you could imagine, his previously-shattered world shattered again.

Alexander made John feel whole again. Alexander was the piece that completed John's puzzle. Now, it was gone- and so were all the other pieces of his life.

He was mute. He was depressed- more depressed than ever- and he wasn't eating. He was sleep-deprived and anxiety- ridden. Tearful. Angelica knew. Angelica watched him and saw it all.

Angelica? Angelica was livid.

"Congratulations," she had told Alexander the one time she had visited him. "You have done damage you can never undo. This is a new kind of stupid."

"Angelica..."

"Shut up, Alexander. I loved you. God, I was stupid. John doesn't deserve you. John deserves all the wonders of the world. Not someone who lives on drugs and relapses when the slightest thing goes wrong!"

"T-this is my fault?" John had asked.

"No." Angelica's eyes were burning with a fiery passion. "This is entirely Alexander's fault."

"It's an addiction!"

"An addiction. I'll give you that. But John is addicted to his pain. Have you not seen him trying for you?! Have you not seen him eating, staying clean, fighting his demons?! Have you been there for him?!"

"John?"

John couldn't say anything. He allowed Angelica to continue talking. "John is a blessing in our lives. John lives with me and brightens my house. And you are trying to take that spark away from him.

"John is sick. He wants to find the cure, for you! Yes, he's going to relapse! That's fine. But he can be human and make a mistake without you making it worse than it was! You put yourself in this situation, Alexander. Find your way out of it. So again I say, congratulations."

"Do you still love me, John?"

John hesitated. He wasn't exactly ready to talk again. He gave a small nod, retreating back to Angelica's embrace.

God, he wished he had her courage.

"The next time you hurt John, I'll kill you. You can only be forgiven so many times."

Angelica gave John one final hug before leaving the two alone.

"I'm so sorry, John. I'm obsessed with the feeling of drugs. Have you ever been on drugs?" John shook his head no. "It's the feeling of electric happiness. Seeing smells and hearing colours. Everything is vibrant and better. Why would I want to come down from happiness?"

"Because it will kill you!" John screamed. "It's killing you now!"

"Funny how only now you care about life," Alexander mused.

John only glared at him. "Alexander Hamilton, you have never been through the things I have been through. Don't act otherwise."

"You don't know this pain either."

"I know what it's like to be hospitalised. Twice because of my father. Seven times because of my own hand. Three times of outside sources. I've been theough- I'm going through more pain than you ever have- and ever will- go through. And you have the audacity to mock me."

"I'm all alone now..."

"Now you know how I feel. I love you."

And like that, John was gone.

{has anyone else read the cursed child? i need someone to talk to}