Confidence [The Mortal Instruments] {Rewritten}

I Izzy's P.O.V

Alec has always been my hero, the silent force driving me to be better. He serves as my unspoken role model, though I've never said it out loud. Doing so would have only made him put more pressure than he already places on himself. It's not that I am embarrassed of my feelings, but I simply recognized that any added expectations would only make Alec strive even harder for perfection. 

Alec's relentless pursuit of perfection is, perhaps, his tragic flaw. His aspirations are never self-centered but rather for the sake of others – the flawless son, the ideal big brother, the impeccable boyfriend, the protective father, the steady friend, the relentless parabatai,the cunning politician, and the formidable soldier. Always for others and never for himself.

This is a secret shared among a select few– Jace, Max, and me. We never wished Alec to bear an additional burden or prove himself further. We never desired a superman; we just needed Alec. Now, as he faces his own challenges, Alec needs my support. However, I find myself at a loss, uncertain of how to extend the help he requires.

"Magnus!" I exclaimed in surprise as he entered Lightwood Manor with an excited expression, my brothe rand him had been absent for the past five hours. They had this intense argument before leaving, accompanied by Max's distressed cries, which only made me worry. "Where were you? And where is Alec?" I demanded answers.

"We paid a visit to Branwell Manor," Magnus responded smoothly, catching me off guard with his unexpected revelation. "Lucy, Lydia Branwell's daughter, wants us to adopt her son Rafael! We've just finalized the arrangement, and we'll be welcoming a little Nephilim into our family after the Shadow World Championship conclude!" Magnus announced joyfully.

"Really?!" I exclaimed with enthusiasm. "Another nephew to train in the art of demon hunting? That's amazing! I can't wait to share the news with Simon, Jace, and our parents. But where is Alec? Shouldn't he be here to celebrate with us?"

"He mentioned wanting some time to himself. Probably exploring a weapons shop or whatever you Shadowhunters call it, picking out something special for our little sun," Magnus replied casually, dismissing the need for my approval as he walked away. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have preparations to make for the big announcement tonight."

Normally I would be more than happy to aid him prepare any kind of celebration, but my focus was on someone else – Alec. I was certain my brother wasn't out buying weapons or taking a casual stroll. He was at Max's tomb, our little brother's final resting place. Recognizing that he could use someone to lean on, I walked out of the family manor and headed towards the cemetery. A heavy sigh escaped me as I felt sympathy for my big brother, burdened with yet another responsibility – that of becoming the perfect trainer.

"What are you doing here,Isabelle?" Alec asked when I was a few meters away, his gaze still fixed on our little brother's tomb, not bothering to stand up from his kneeling position.

"I just learned about the new addition to our family from a very excited Magnus," I replied, sidestepping the unnecessary question. Alec already knew the answer, and Lightwoods were not known for freely discussing their emotions. "Why don't we cut the crap, and you start telling me what's got you so worked up?"

"As blunt and direct as always,Izzy," Alec commented with a dry, small chuckle that sent shivers down my spine. I hated it when he was this depressed. "Those bastards have been sabotaging all the challenges; they even tried to kidnap Max once. We were so lucky that I had my bow with me and was able to shoot them dead before they could run away with my son. Otherwise, we would be like puppets in their hands right now," he started his explanation, hands clenching into fists angrily. "We still don't know who is involved in this, and I have just gotten an almost three-year-old boy into this mess! You know that I'll never forgive myself if anything ends up happening to him because of me..." his voice almost broke during that last bit.

"Alec... you know that Max's death wasn't your fault, don't you?" I asked, afraid of the answer I might receive.

"I left both of you alone, Izzy," Alec answered stiffly, my heart broke as he confirmed my suspicions. "I left you alone with that monster... of course it's my fault!"

"Then it's mine as well!" I snapped at him. "After all, I was the one who left Max on his own with Jonathan while I was patrolling the area."

"You couldn't have known what would happen," Alec told me softly, but I could still hear the anger in his voice.

"Neither could you," I replied breathlessly. All this emotional fighting was leaving me very tired. "You don't have to be Superman, Alec," I told him, forgetting that he didn't spend as much time as I did with a DC comic fan. So, I had to explain my metaphor. "We don't need a perfect hero; we just need a big brother who is always there for us. Someone who listens when we need someone to complain to,always covering our backs, making us feel safe and loved... we just need you, Alec. Not perfection," I finished, pouring my heart out with a tired sigh.

I knew that we promised never to tell him this, but I couldn't let him think that Max's death was his fault. I simply couldn't.

"Izzy..." Alec stuttered, shocked, with wide-open eyes, clearly not believing his ears. "I..."

"Don't say anything, Alec," I cut him off, shaking my head. "Just think about what I told you, because that's the truth. Not what you think, blaming yourself is not the right answer. It never is."

"Since when have you become so wise?" Alec asked me with an amused, but grateful, small smile.

"Since my big brother showed me how," I answered with an equally amused and grateful smile, but mine was bigger.Of course, our small sibling moment was interrupted by a fire message. "What now? Magnus is angry because we are late for his celebration party?" I demanded to know, annoyed, but the serious and painful expression on my brother's face stopped me. "What?" I asked, this time scared.

"They kidnapped Rafael," Alec informed me, devastated.

I felt as if a bucket of ice had overturned in my stomach. Damn it! Why couldn't we just be happy for a while?! I thought angrily, cursing at the angels in my mind, before following Alec towards Lightwood Manor.