Dancing through life

He knows what to do

I cry and cry and cry till there are no more tears left. Slowly my sobs begin to fade. I realize that the person who is holding me is Ricky, he strokes my back and whispers soothing things into my ear. I know that that was a panic attack. I had a few of them already and I know they are not pretty. I take a step back but I don't have the courage to look him in the eyes I only mumble "Sorry this wasn't meant to happen." His hand touches my chin and lifts my eyes to his. "You have nothing to be sorry about, I can tell that this was a panic attack I only want you to know that I'm here for you always. And please try not do that anymore I was so scared for you. All I could see was this car going straight for you and you stood there in the middle of the street and you weren't moving. Luckily I was able to get a hold of. But honestly I don't want to think about if I hadn't been fast enough. Please tell me was it something I said?" I shook my head but I can't talk, not yet. "Okay I see, fancy a coffee? You are freezing and we need to keep you warm." He doesn't wait for an answer he just pulls me along and into the nearest coffee shop where he sits me down in an booth in the far end of the shop. He leaves me to get us something. I sit there and stare blankly in front of me. My head is completely empty, this happens every time after a panic attack. I slightly wonder how he has the knowledge to recognize one, and how to treat it. Soon he arrives with a coffee for himself and a hot chocolate for me. After I have taken a few sips and some color has returned to my cheeks he asks: "Do you want to talk about it? It is alright if you aren't ready to share something this personal with me. Just remember I am there for you everyday, every hour. Just call or come to my hotel room. "

I shake my head and rest my eyes onto the table in shame: " Sorry Ricky for all your trouble but I can't talk about it, it has nothing do with you but I never told anyone, the only people that know are the people directly involved in my mess. You really shouldn't have seen this. I thought I had it under control the last one was more than six month in the past. I don't want to disturb your peace, please don't worry about me I'm not worth it." The moment this words left my mouth I feel Ricky tense up next to me. He balls his hands into fists and the vein on his forehead bunches out. With a loud clatter he puts his mug back down. Then he looks at me and immediately softens.

"Sorry I scared you, but I'm not mad at you, I'm only angry at the person who did this to you. Who made you believe you weren't perfect just the way you are, you are worth everything and everyone in this world. Please believe me there are people who care deeply for you. Can I ask you something?"

"Please go ahead."

" Was it your parents? You don't have to answer that, I only want to help you, you mean a lot to me."

I don't know how I should respond I'm afraid if I tell him he would ask more. And I don't know if I'm strong enough to keep it all in and away from him. He is so sweet and caring and I think he really means the things he says. He could be the first person I open up to. "Yes is has something to do with my parents. But I wont tell you more. let me please just say one thing. They did never hit me or something like that."

"Sometimes the psychic violence hurts more than the physical ever could."

"I know but I'm not ready to tell you, yet, perhaps sometime in the future. We will see. But I have one wish. I want to go home now I'm so exhausted. Can you please get me a cab?"

" Oh no no cab. I drive you home I already know where you are living. You really need sleep after this episode. "

I foggy remember falling asleep in the car and Ricky asking me where my keys are. He must have carried me into my house and he placed in my bed. The next thing I know are his lips on my forehead whispering a good night to me.

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