My Lovely Jerk {Completed}

Chapter - 26

“Ella-Da-Bella, the program is about to begin,” Ian whispered for just me to hear. “If you want to see it, we have to get up.”

It took me a few minutes to cease my tears and collect myself for Randall’s service.

Pulling away from Ian, I sighed. “Why is it so hard?” I inquired, still sitting on the floor in front of him.

Ian raised an eyebrow, “Why is what hard?”

“Why is it so hard dealing with the death of a loved one? Why can’t it be a walk in the park and not have all these crazy emotions coursing through me?”

Chuckling, Ian smiled. “Because, if it were easy to go through this you couldn’t grow. Ever heard of growing pains? They aren’t just physically growing pains but also mental.”

I glared at Ian, “This is supposed to make me grow?! What if I don’t want to grow? What if I like myself the way I am?”

Ian didn’t wipe the smile from his face as he replied. “Well, I would dignify your questions with an answer but I have a feeling that you will just question me even more.”

I gave a dry laugh, “You're probably right. There is no answer you will give that will satisfy me...”

Once Ian stood up, a couple seconds later, he out reached his hand and offered to help me up.

Taking his hand, I stood up with his help. I didn’t, however, release his hand when I was finally standing up. “I really don’t know how I could ever repay you for being here with me today,” I stated as we sat down.

“You don’t have to repay me for anything, Ella-Da-Bella, but if you feel obligated you can reimburse me by not shedding another tear.”

I rolled my eyes as I prayed that all the anger, pain, sadness and guilt to leave my system. “I don’t know if I can do that.”

“I believe in you,” he reassured.

“Your belief system is flawed,” I told him right as a melancholy tune started to fill the room.

“No it is not, Elle. You just need to have more faith in yourself,” he told me. “You are a strong, smart and determined woman. You just gotta realize and see that yourself...”

Leaning over, I rested my head on his shoulder. I inhaled loudly before exhaling. “I might be all of those things, but today ... today I’m broken.”

Ian released my hand and put his arm along the back of my back. Resting his hand on my other side, he pulled me closer to him. Keeping his arm around the back of my waist he spoke, “Any other day I would get on you for saying that ... but today you have a freebie to be, as you said, ‘broken’.”

I gave a small smile and lifted my head slightly. Placing a kiss on Ian’s cheek, I whispered a thank you before focusing on the ceremony that started to take place.

***

"Are you ready to go?" Ian asked me as we stood in front of Randall's grave.

My eyes bore into the brown dirt that outlined where Randall was just buried. Green, plush, grass bordered the rectangle shaped plot that was just recently made.

Sighing and begging myself for the hundredth time not to cry, I nodded. “Yeah...” Turning my head I looked over at Ian who was standing next to me.

The ceremony was beautiful. After a few spoken words from his family members, the pastor of the church talked and read some verses from the bible. Then the pastor announced that the casket was going to be walked next door to the church's own private cemetery. Apparently, Randall’s family had reserved plots there...