Rough

Part 13

It took three long days to get all of the funeral preparations done and everything ready for the dreadful Saturday service. They had cremated her the day after she died and had an uncomfortable ceremony where they gave us the ashes.
I tried my best to not look sad or mope around in fear of the dreaded "are you ok Kenny?" question that I was asked at least three times a day. Because in reality I wasn't ok, my mom was all I had my whole life. After my dad left when I was younger we went through a lot of crap together and the guilt of never being able to provide her with the amazing life she deserved haunted me. She gave me as much as she could so that I could live a regular life like all the other kids at school and all I could give her was a hospital lunch that the nurses have let me bring into her, but yet she still would smile like I had given her a new Mercedes.
I sat in my room a lot since she had passed, I didn't feel like going outside and practicing to skate, or looking for a job so I could buy new clothes, I didn't even feel like picking up my guitar and playing mine and Jake's song, I just want to sit and think about my mom. I had heard Star talking to Kalin downstairs one night about how depressed I was, she had asked him if there were any last day of school parties he could take me to -which in any other circumstance she would totally disapprove of. I heard him mumble that Myles had told Jake he should throw one but Jake had declined because it was the day of my moms ceremony, that made me smile. But in all honesty I would rather be drunk on Jake's kitchen floor then have to face 100 people who would ask me how I was coping with such a loss because I would have no answer for them.