Chapter 9 - Nightmares

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Tuesday February 22 2010

I had for the third night in a row woken up screaming, sweating, panting, and crying. I had once again woken my mother from her sleep and out of bed, rushing to come help me. It was another false alarm, nothing was happening to me. Just the same haunting nightmare I’ve been having three nights in a row and it was really getting to me. Seeing dark sapphire blue eyes peering at me from different corners every now and then really darkened my mood and scared the living daylights out of me. I was scared that maybe I’d become insane.

My mother had once again tried to sooth and comfort me but it was no use. It was four a.m and I wasn’t going back to sleep, not unless I wanted to see my rapist again. I felt a horrible shudder when I said the last sentence in my head. 

“Mom, I want you to promise me something.” I say to my mom that now pulled away from the hug she was giving me.

“Anything.” She tried to smile and I didn’t have the energy to even try and return it. The screaming and crying always seemed to drain me. 

“Promise me that whenever I have nightmares you won’t come to my room and will just try and go back to sleep.” My mother sighed at what I wanted her to promise me. It would make me feel better to know she was going to work well rested. Being an obstetrician required energy right?

“I can’t promise you that honey. I can promise you many other things but not that.” 

“But you know I’m fine and that its just a silly nightmare. I’ll get over them eventually and in the meantime, you don’t have to come every night and try and help me when you know I’m fine. Just a little scared.” I tried to convince her as she took my hands in hers.

“Evelyn, when your father passed away you had nightmares for the longest time and I’m sure you remember. I knew every time I went to you that you would most likely be physically fine but I didn’t ever want to stop helping you because of that. If I had stopped coming to sooth you I wouldn’t have been a very good mother because I would only be thinking of myself and how sleepy I was. That would have caused you more emotional pain. You’d feel more alone and scared. It would have gone on forever but since I was there with you, I helped you cope and I’m going to do the same now. This will be a hard time but we have to surpass it, hun.” She smiled warmly at me and with tears slowly running down my cheek, I hugged my mother. I was thankful to have her.

***

I had been awake the last few hours since my nightmare had woken me watching T.V. I told my mom to go back to bed and that I’d be fine and thankfully she went back to sleep.

I was now getting ready for school and had changed into a pair of of light-wash shorts and a pale pink cami with a light yellow knit cardigan and black low tops converse. It was Florida but it was still chilly though and I was thankful for that. I would have an excuse to cover up and my bruises weren’t cooperating much since they had barely begun to heal. 

I put on the usual barely there make-up, brushed my hair and perfumed myself with my favorite jasmine scent. I tucked my phone into my pocket and took the small bag with my school stuff then headed out the door. My mother had left to the hospital for work and I made myself a glass of strawberry milk.

I didn’t know if Erica would walk to school as well and join me or if I would make the walk alone. I have to admit that was a scary thought and I wasn’t sure If I could do that without turning around and running back home. I couldn’t just skip school for the rest of my life. So I got out of the house when I finished my milk. A huge smile erupted on my face when I saw Jacob waiting for me in his car with the windows down.

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