Finally, he moved his hands, "I do indeed. If that is a problem, there is nothing you can do about it. I am the teacher and you are the student."
What the fuck.
I stared at him with a half open mouth before turning and walking out. What the fuck!
I had to go to the toilets to calm myself down after that. Seriously though, where had that come from? He had never spoken to me like that before.
Twenty minutes later, I'd already decided that I was going back after school to see what was going on. No way was I being left in the dark while something was happening to him. I was here to support him.
Of course, that meant that the rest of the day dragged on like a motherfucker. When it was finally the end of the day, I rushed over to his room. I knew I'd catch him because he never left school straight away. He always had some work to sort out. Still though, I headed there quickly.
I had to wait awkwardly outside his room while his last class filed out. When I was sure they had all left, I nervously entered.
He was in the same position I had left him in: slouched down in his chair. This time though, he was staring up at the ceiling with his hands grasping the arms of the chair like he was on edge about something.
"Gerard?" My voice sounded so unnatural in the silent room.
His head whipped down quickly and he looked at me with an expressionless face. What did that mean?
"Frank." He finally spoke, "Why ever are you here?"
For some reason, that stung a little. Didn't he realise how much I cared for him? "I was worried. You were a little uh tense earlier."
He made a quiet noise in reply before standing up and picking up his briefcase. "I was just leaving."
Well that was bullshit. He hadn't been thinking about leaving before I had turned up.
"Um okay?" I didn't know how else to reply. I was never the best at talking about feelings and shit like that.
"That means that you should leave as well." He started walking towards me and for a moment, I actually thought he was going to smile at me or hug me or something but no. Instead, he walked straight past me and out the door, switching the light off on his way out.
I stood gaping for a moment in the darkness before I rushed after him. No fucking way was I letting him leave without telling me anything.
"Sir!" I remembered I was still at school and there were still students around. I already knew I looked like a stupid teacher's pet but I didn't care anymore. There weren't that many people around anyway.
We made it outside, him power walking ahead and me struggling to keep up.
"Sir!"
He finally stopped and spun round on his heel, his eyes almost penetrating.
I stopped and couldn't help but stare back at him like a deer in headlights. He had never looked at me in that way before.
"What is it, Frank?" He scared me a little, not gonna lie.
Still, I didn't back down. "What's wrong? Something's happened and running away from it won't help."
Something I'd said must have made him think because I noticed a small change in his expression before he glanced around to make sure there was no one near. Everyone had more or less left now though.
"You're right." He sighed, his voice a lot quieter than before.
I watched as he looked down at the floor before looking back up with a sad expression. What I expected to happen next was that he would tell me what was up but it wasn't exactly what I thought it was.
"This is over, Frank."
It took me a few seconds to register the words he had said in my brain. "I... What?"
He sighed again, rubbing the back of his neck with his free hand. "This, what we had between us, is over."
Again, it didn't sound right. The words were in a strange order and it took me a moment to understand what they meant. "Why?" I just stared at him with wide eyes. I didn't care if I looked or sounded pathetic; I needed to know.
He really looked like he didn't want to elaborate. "It never should have begun, let alone get to this stage. I abused my power and... Anything I felt towards you... It was purely sexual. I feel nothing romantic towards you."
My mouth opened and closed. Deep down, I knew that was bullshit. He had even told me himself multiple times that our relationship was more than just sex. He had said that!
"But... No." I shook my head, trying to make sense of it all, "No!"
"Frank, please." He looked so uncomfortable, "Don't make this any more difficile than it needs to be."
I pointed a finger at him, "You told me it was more than sex!"
"Hush." He bit his lip, glancing around, "I am but a Drama teacher after all."
Bullshit. Bullshit. Bullshit. Bullshit. Bullshit!
"I know I was out of line." He continued his lies, "I took advantage of you, Frank. I know I should never have done that. You are so young-"
"Fuck off!" I exploded, my hands balling into fists, "That was never an issue! You said it yourself!"
"Please don't upset yourself further."
Me upset myself further?!
"Are you fucking with me right now?" I tried to calm my breathing, "Is this a joke?"
His expression somehow went even more sad as he shook his head. "This is for the best. I..." He took a deep breath, "I no longer have a use for you."
What was I, some fucking toy?! Why was he saying all of this? It wasn't true!
"You're lying!" I willed myself to stop but I couldn't help it and before I knew it, large tears were making their way down my cheeks.
I thought I saw him start to move closer to me but he stopped himself.
"This was a mistake."
A cherry right on top of a fucking fail of a cake that resembled my life.
The tears were in no condition to be stopped at that moment and I apparently thought that I didn't look pathetic enough because I whimpered out, "But you can't... I-I love you."
He closed his eyes.
I couldn't tell if it was in disgust or pain and honestly, I didn't want to know.
After a few painfully silent seconds, he opened them again and said in a flat tone, "I feel nothing towards you."
I almost sobbed out loud then. It was like someone had grabbed a knife and was stabbing it into my chest multiple times. No wait, there was also some sort of poison on the end of the knife that burnt if it touched you. And someone was kicking me in the gut over and over again at the same time. Times that by one million and you'll get to how I felt at that moment.
"I have to be leaving now. Goodbye, Frank." And with that, he fucking turned and left.
I stared after him, tears flowing down my face and just stood there. What the fuck was I supposed to do now?
There was nothing to do.
The only thing I could think to do was run. I ran all the way home, not stopping once, and threw myself onto my bed.
I must have cried most of the evening because I felt so fucking emotionally exhausted by the end of the night that I passed out without eating anything.
Maybe I was hoping I could sleep everything away. Sadly, life didn't work that way.
---
Ironic that I drop this on you on the same day MCR decided to punch us all in the gut.
Seriously, what the fuck is happening??
-Beth :3
